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Bad Luck Always Come in Threes

bysmallncute©
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Comments (7)
by Anonymous

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by bdsmbill04/12/07

OK, but.....

Problems with spelling and grammar can make an otherwise good story into an average or poor one. Your spelling isn't a big problem, although there is a big difference between "feint" and "faint." Verb tense is another issue. It's bad enough when a writer decides to write in present tense for no good reason. When the writer switches tense it is even more distracting. In your case, the frequent use of awkward constructs such as "was,am" and "was,is" is very distracting.

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by pixie200204/13/07

A thought provoking tale . . .

. . . that explores some very complex emotions. Nicely done.

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by StressingAsian04/17/07

A nice little caprice from SmallnCute

It's far from her best work, but well above the average Lit story. A nice little diversion.

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by Anonymous06/26/07

Amazing

I had never thought of the idea of female/female date rape.. and it is arousing to think of it actually.

Good Job

And I liked the Epilogue..

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by RachalCaron06/18/08

Oh Fuck

I love the idea of coercion. Use it on me, baby. Please...

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by Anonymous04/10/09

Hi-yah!

There are far too many comma splices. If you are trying to avoid overusing 'and', rewriting a whole sentence is sometimes necessary instead of chopping your elongated sentences to hell. If you are splicing for dramatic effect then there are other routes. Try periods and more semicolons. I loved the part where you mentioned inherited fetishes. So true.

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by tygz11/17/13

While I agree that there are substantial technical issues in this posting, I think that the author's style - inclusive of sentence structure and atypical comma usage - lends credibility to the story being a retelling affected by the stress of remembering a traumatic event. Suspension of disbelief is this made easier in my view.

That's not to say that editing would have no place here, bit overall the story definitely wind out for attention far beyond the spelling issues.

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