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Circumference of Us

byMungoParkIII©
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by Anonymous

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by WickedEve07/19/07

~

I tend to read too fast and expect too much from most poetry. This poem needs a slower read. It's actually quite lovely. The last strophe is especially good. I have one suggestion. I would drop the second "you" in the second strophe. It bothered my ears to hear two of them so close together. I have a feeling this could just be me, but I thought it was worth a mention. You do write wonderful poetry.

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by twelveoone07/19/07

*

encircled in sensation//Q. why (en) in encircled? Wondering about that call?/I don't mind the double you, reasoning the importance of the "you" in the context of the message.

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by unapologetic07/19/07

Mentioned in today's new poem reviews

http://forum.literotica.com:81/showthread.php?p=23 460385#post23460385

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