All Comments on 'Billy Joe Pavlov'

I think I'd drop the last line in each of the first two stanzas.

I only ask because I can't see how that will improve the poem. I like the way the first three dream like stanzas give way to the staccato finish, nice contrast.

Tess

ending on 'sang' and 'say' lend ones ear to anticipate what they sang and what they said. The lines that I think are superfluous aren't very tidy, but answer those questions in an unsatisfactory way. I'm just saying, the poem as a whole only works for me if those two end lines are knocked off.

I've changed my mind, I'd only erase the 'fireflies' line, cuz tubes/do/too work well together. Though 'and' beginning the third stanza doesn't sit well with me now. If I'd written this I'd have to keep doing revisions to it, it's the sort of poem that almost works really well, but things just lag on the ear here and there.