by Boo96
The attention to detail was fab and held the story together . A part 2 would be interesting . There were a few minor errors but ....who cares . Well done .
Please continue this great story. You've done a wonderful job. Thanks.
You know, you can have more than just one sentence in a paragraph. I found that more than a little distracting.
Good potential, but as an avid reader (and sometimes writer) the choppy style and myriad other distractions ruined it. Thanx for trying, however. Next time you write, consider getting a GOOD editor.
The chemistry between them was amazingly well written. I would love to see a sequel also.
the story was so-so to much teasing i never liked teasing it ends up to much like forced sex if you had just went with the sex and skipped the teasing it would have been great
this deserves more. the chemistry is awesome,well written, would love to read more.
Or "could've." Just not "could of." Otherwise, a hot-ass story that just doesn't quite "finish" right.
Good read. I dont read these stories to evaluate your writing. I enjoy a good brother sister story. I'm an only child so never had the opportunity, but has always been a fantasy of mine. Write the rest of this story. Would be great if they stay together.
very interesting so far, would love to see where it goes from here
All I can say is wow. I really liked this story. I would love to see a second chapter
a half written story by a half assed writer either finish this story NOW or delete it and all other unfinished stories.
SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND ALWAYS USE A GOOD EDITOR AND FINISH WHAT YOU START. this needs a total rewrite using a good editor not the idiot you used this time.
wow, you have to expand this story, amazing and wow.... thanks
way to take your time and let lit members feel the story come to them . well written, and well worth read again and again
Wow! This has to be the hottest story I've ever read and ever "enjoyed" ;)
I absolutely love your adjectives and hope to fill my own stories with some of your tasty wordplay, Tom :)
Thrilling. Very sexy , very erotic. I feel envious of Chrissie.
Well written. I had to pull one off reading this. Love stories with older, more mature siblings, finely living out their fantasy, as that is what happened with me and my beautiful sexy sister and 58 YOA. There was a lot of MUTUAL passion and pleasure depicted here. Again, great story.
I must say, I haven't cum like that in a while! My emotions and body response we very similar to Chrissy's in the entire story. It was a great way to start my day so I thank you. As to your other questions I will respond later in private.
normal for these two. Getting worse at the end. Glad you stopped it there. Yuk!!
Need little more backstory on their past, relationships, kids, etc. 4*
Good story and very sexy. Kind of some fetish elements to it. May want to add a fetish tag.
beautifully written, love and understanding...one of the best i have read
I didn't love all of it, but then it's your story and should be told your way.
Xzy89c1;
Yeah, I missed that. That missing word 'lids' kind of throws things off, eh?
I'm sure you'll find a few more grammatical errors if you're so inclined to continue, but hopefully, the story still works.
Regards...
Cor! Some people are harsh, ain't they? It's darn sexy building to a few crescendi, and I particularly enjoyed the pants play. Time for Part 2!
The switching is lightning fast. A little too fast, if you ask me. Which you, of course, don't.
Still 5,sofar