by Dorkybrother
Good start to a readable, believable story. Well done and try to finish with style (you do have it!)
I love bro/sis stories, but this one needs a lot of work. Continuity sucked here, as did the dialog. Work on linear arguments and realistic conversations, and you might have something.
to violent if you continue put it in the right area from the end it sounds like the next chapter belongs in the BDSM area or NONCONSENT area NOT HERE
I agree with the handle the author uses... at least with this story, namely Dorky!
Maybe the brother could get the sister pregnant so they could have another little retarded dorky like the author.
Somewhere good! Needs some thought and some work and drfinately some imagination!
Thanks for writing!
sexmate
i think you need to make dialog more realistic . no more it is , what are . use its , what're
no guy would act like that when he woke up and she bitched him out he would have told her to go to hell and that she could find somone else to make her costum and someone else to go to the party with then tell her he never wanted to see her again keep it somewhat realistic this isn't the twilight zone also i agree it sounds like you are heading toward the bdsm or nonconsent area so if you continue this crap put it in the right area
I gave you one star because negative stars weren't available
1 out of 5 stars would not read again seriously this fucking sucked it sucked so much that you don't deserve logical grammar this story is so unrealistic it made my fucking brain hurt seriously jesus dick what the fuck you fucking suck seriously you should stop writing go kill yourself you fucking faggot
I'm confused, how did this get posted yet Literotica refuses to allow other stories that are longer and better written to be posted?
If you are going to write a story, even a chapter, then you need to have some substance. All you supplied was a boob grab and an knock out that isnt likely. You've set nothing up with character development and the situation wasn't believable. Dialogue need more work as well. If you decide to write more, try reading a lot of the successful stories and have someone intelligent proof your work.
Reading a story where there ARE no paragraphs, just one enormous string of one-line sentences.
I just found your story today Sept. 12, 2017. I was surprised to find not only no part two but, no further submissions. I am more than a little disappointed. I'm not into bondage but it could get interesting with these two. Hope to read about it soon.
Was a terrible story, you grew up with her and in one instance "she was the most beautiful girl you had ever seen" load of old crock mate !!
I wish you would of wrote more chapters and more stories