All Comments on 'The Deal Breaker'

A well written tale with a good plot! Actually, SCORPIO, your style of writing was, as usual, superb! The story was a pleasure to read with clearly defined and, for the most part, realistic characters. I particularly liked the hot, romantic ending with Nick, Kim and Carole winding up happy and sexually fulfilled. Yes, I just love those happy endings! Another masterpiece from the master! Pete.

Thanks for a great story. Thanks for the entertainment. Mike from Texas

There is no way the, adulteress wife's, sister could take photos and call her brother in low immediately. There are so many ways to handle that situation, even if you are an enemy to your sister. It is just the opposite of a woman's approach to that situation.

It is a nice reading but quite unbelievable for that reason.

I wondered how Kim knew that Carole flooded, it didn't make sense at the time. I really doubt that such sisters exist but I have to say that I am jealous.

I recently read "Only Children are the Problem" and there was an even more complicated though similar relationship there.

a class by yourself.

No, such twins don't really exist, but it would be a hell of a lot of fun if they did. And no, sisters rarely turn each other in about their escapades, but sometimes they do. And, I guess, women rarely have such pleasure with their first bout of anal sex. Still, those are all petty and silly objections. This is a story, it is an original story, and it is very well written. That should be enough for everyone, and it's certainly good enough for me.

Job Well Done!

Did enjoy your story telling. Not sure the twin thing in the end was necessary, but what the hell. You write well, clearly and straightforward, and----you are wiilling to allow enough details (places, other people, names of foods) to make the story seem real. I appreciate that.

To change the subject----I heartily agree with your comment at the start of this story that the category list is too restrictive. Either allow a multi-category description or create a new cateory 'non-exclusive' maybe.

ILienBagby

The heading of your comment was "No way in hell". Giving the possibility to you that you've been there and therefore know more about the place than I do I still question such a statement. I've heard parents tell children things with that prelude, "No way in hell you're getting a tattoo." and a week later there's the kid with a tat. Maybe "no way in hell" actually means, "Never likely in the small world I live in." In that case, I recommend you get out more.

You also used the word "immediately". I know of a print shop that has a sign on the wall. It reads "How soon do you want it? Today= by the end of the week. Tomorrow= By the end of next week. Immediately= after the stuff I'm already doing." BTW, no where in the story did I say she called "immediately."

BTW, don't watch "Avatar". It isn't believable either.

Top notch once again. Here I am trying to get through all your posted work and you place another quality story. You are one of the best if not the best and most consistent writer on this site.

Most if not all work on this site is Fiction. If some readers can not separate that fact, my pity is with them. Look in the MC section, I would only hope most of that is pure fiction.

PS, I am on the H in "A" before reading your older Scorpio44 work. I doubt very much I will finish them all before you post another great story.

Val

Was there a story of yours I didn't like?.... ummm... can't think of one.

Just another example of your fine writing skill. Loved it! I have read everything you have written, didn't like everything, but loved most of them. Keep writing, please, I'll keep reading.

Thanks

Very well written and full of interesting ideas, fantasies,and people!

I can add little to what others have said about this story - it deserves a six star rating! The concept of the twins is not as far fetched as some believe. I know that my twin daughters could sense when something was wrong. Like many identical twins, they had many things occur simultaneously, such as the day of their first periods, they each had their own personalities. One of my girls has seizures, her sister always knew as soon as they occurred even when they were miles apart. They are certainly not as 'connected' as Kim and Carole, but identical twins do have a sense of each other that others do not share.

Revenge? Love!

A good story. loved the read. Laughed, cried and just enjoyed.

Keep up the good work.

I liked this story - good fantasy. The ending didn't seem to fit the flow of the story, but it was an interesting twist. If he impregnates one twin, does the other one catch automatically too?

Nice story, fun to read and the bait-n-switch ending was pretty darn original. The characters and subplots were easy enough to relate to on one level or another.

On the other hand, either I'm not familiar enough with your style, or it could benefit from a little polishing. The first and lasting impression I felt was the writing is pretty "choppy," kinda like driving over slotted concrete road; it might be unoticeable, even feel soothing for abit, but eventually it becomes annoying.

A few segues and transitions might work to help the reader move from one set of facts/emotions to another. Use the first person insights or a more casual conversational tone. I for one would notice and appreciate it. At this point, the story is deliverd like a sermon or lecture, "Just the Facts Mam."

So try to drop the "Joe Friday" tone and work with an editor to smooth over the choppy recitation of events and emotions. As noted by many other commentors, your storylines and characters are pretty good and maintain a fair pace, just find a smoother groove.

This could use a second chapter. The ending kinda felt rushed to me. But then I tend to ramble in my writings so what do I know? You might have been pushing the twins connection a little bit with the matching hickeys, but the potential is there for some interesting story telling.

Could have been any category.

But who cares.

Great story as always.

And think about expanding please

would have been okay...

I enjoyed this well-written story with intelligent characters. It read smoothly. No wimpy male characters here. The only weakness I can see is the very unlikely scenario of a man who finds out his marriage is a shambles falling in love so quickly with dream woman Kim (and of course Carole). Nice fantasy, that -- he gets to be with two women at the same time!

Of course, if they respond identically, then it's really like being with one woman, so the lack of variety might lessen the intensity of the fantasy. It's just that he can do oral on one and the other can ride him, which will make him feel very potent indeed since he can satisfy two women at the same time.

I guess I'm just sensitive or something, but finding out that my marriage was wrecked would depress me a lot more than Nick in this story, and it would make it difficult to trust any woman right then. Immediately jumping into another woman's arms would be difficult. But that's just me. Thus, I think the story's theme of instant love and/or love at first sight is a little much but again, it's a story, and sometimes dreams do come true. Thanks for writing.

How about a series?

If there was any one aspect of this story that I enjoyed, it was the flow and naturalness of the dialog. However, so much attention was paid to the new love that the ex-wife and her motivations were marginalized.

As for originality, this story bears some resemblance to christo's story from some years ago entitled "My Twin Loves".

They have got problems! No, I just cant see it. Nope cant agree with this guys definition of a problem in the last paragraph.

Loved the story.

Scorpio, you did it with rare style this time around and I enjoyed this story without reservations.

However, my favorite line from you did *not* appear in the tale: "BTW, don't watch "Avatar". It isn't believable either."

Well done! You have a rare and telling talent as a wordsmith.

I dun been to Chicago and failed to get even a glimpse of heaven -

But his problems I could live with lol

Wonderful story -

Hmm. I'm not sure how I feel about this story. First off, I liked the prose and you only had a few speed bumps with punctuation and grammar. It flowed well.

If felt more like a romance then a cheating wife story. On a personal note, I could have used a bit more pain and back story about the wife.

Why then am I diffident? I liked the story. I feel a little blindsided by the 'Corsian Brother' ending. It is a bit akin to reading a story about a man falling in love with a woman and then in the last 6 paragraphs finding out she was a time traveling pleasure Android from the Planet Mongo.

It doesn't make it bad; it just jumbled my feelings for it a bit.

and leaves LA-LA land in the rear. TK U MLJ LV NV

Got to be one of your best stories - well done & well written --- NEXT, PLEASE !!

snappy prose - good dialog - crisp - refreshing - 5

It had the makings of a great love story but was ruined with the weirdo twin crap. Until then, I really enjoyed it.

It was entertaining for me, I really enjoyed it. The husband did it right, got rid of his wife as soon as he could, no screaming, etc. just firm. And the deal with the twins was just great, improbable as it seemed. Very funny and full of sex. I read for entertainment and this really entertained me, my compliments to Scorpio.

While the twins being that connected was a trifle fantastic, it was the perfect fantasy otherwise.

Whee can three overs go on vacation? Just about anywhere.

Liked the story. That being said with the wife lying about her actions he should have done something more. The fact that she lied the way she did even after the fact shows she didn't love or respect him. As for the twins does that mean that when one gets pregnant the other does as well?

When Kim asks to be taken standing up from behind she makes comment that this is what Carole is talking about, but then later you write they are such special twins they feel everything the other is feeling during sex.....guessing you forgot about the first statement when writing the second

How could his wife be so shallow and callous and unethical, for a year, and he never knew? What were her motives, why did she cheat? A romantic bounce back, but the more interesting questions about the failure of the marriage were left unanswered.

Still, a decent effort. Thank you.

Hmn, everything together if one gets pregnant will the other! 😜You bet they both will be full of so much Dick I'll be surprised if they don't!

Good story kinda funny from the middle to the end. Some of the comment were even funnier

(they do everything together, if one gets pregnant,)

his worry, my folks are coming to visit.

Who cares about the ex-wife the authors plan looks like she was going to be dumped for the amazing twins anyway!

Ok, since they both felt the anal sex, "sex" doesn't mean just vaginal...

You'd THINK it should include oral then... And yet when he asked if she liked oral, she said she didn't know because hubby didn't like it with her.

Did that mean that Carole has never had oral sex either...? Or was that an "oops" moment for the author...? Or did it NOT include oral sex that they feel together...?

Decent enough story though...

What a waste of time! Put this in sci fi ...can't anyone write some decent stories anymore? Gave it a 1.

Sob. 5

Hilarious. A very tongue in cheek story

Loved it

This guy better make sure he takes his vitamins and gets some proper rest!! It looks like he is in for the “ride” of his life and may eventually die with a huge smile on his face!! Imagination made this story a great read!!

You have a wonderful imagination and a great writing style. It's also most

like you're passing on life experience. I have been reading stories here

for years and this is one of the best I have read. Please keep up the great

work and I look forward to more great stories. Mike B.

Ending

The flight was okay, but it feels like you botched the landing. Too many elements that don't fit together. Is this a story about his cheating wife, meeting Kim, or the mutant sisters? By the way: Kim said she'd only had sex 4 times, and never had an orgasm from a man. Does that mean that Carole has never had sex? Because if they both experience everything the other does ...?

you're a good story teller, but the ending was just too weird for me. Thanks for writing.

Again,

IT WAS GREAT !

THANKS !

Good up until the end, then just silly.

3 stars - you lost 2 stars for the absolutely unbelievable ending few paragraphs

I was loving it until the stupid ass twins both experiencing the other’s orgasm thing. Tanked what would’ve been a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ to a 👎

You can go on vacation in Mexico, I've seen a few Poly relationships down there. It's kinda hot to watch.