by podga
I like the retrospective, but you have to give us more storyline. This is chapter four and we only have a vague idea about why they separated. Though we are getting to understand Scott, Tommy is still such a mystery. In each chapter you give just enough to think that there will be some progress, some hope that your characters will find a way back to each other, but in each successive chapter our hopes are dashed. Give us a bit more per chapter.
TaGiML, I've set up the chapters, so that there is a parallel or contradiction between 'now' and 'then' (if only in my head :-P) but your point is well-taken regarding slow/no progress in the 'now'. I hadn't realized how that might be frustrating for some readers, so I very much appreciate your feedback!
I'm sort of committed to the chapters now, since it's all written out and mostly submitted, but it's a total of 8 chapters, which I'm submitting almost daily, so I have to plead for your patience on this one, and I'll bear the development issue in mind for future stories!
PS: I'm not sure you'll know Thomas much better by the end of this, though I hope so, but it's interesting that you refer to him as 'Tommy', which Scott only occasionally does, so I hope that means he's potentially likeable!
as all your stories are. Glad the chapters are so quick coming. Anticipation is half the fun, but I like updates daily instead of weekly!
I really like this story and I'm very happy that I don't have to wait for weeks (or months) for another chapter :)
Short story ?? I don't care - I love your writing !!!!!!!
CM in Sweden
also! This upcoming trip could prove to be very interesting!
Oh, how I love a writer who has humour and can even apply it to himself: Thomas saying "Please tell me you're not one of those people that likes to use stupid codewords for sex" and then you end the chapter with doing exactly that.
And I totally get your point about matching the present pain and insights with the past. Though I have to say it works even better on the second read, so that's what I recommend to other readers: Gobble up this story like you are starved, and then go back to the beginning and savour every bite (oh God now you're got me doing the food metaphor !)