You Can't Throw Everything Away Ch. 03

Pretty

Stupid lawyer, I would not hire a cloud surfer like this.

The Pilot has a very interesting style.

I enjoy his use of words and the words he doesn't use. He gets the job done without a loy of extra window dressing. This was amusing and a little sad. Thanks for all the work!

Tell me there's going to be more?

These characters bear a further exploration, I think. Yes, the story could end here, but the relationships can be explored in more depth following the chaos, yes?

characters

Great idea, but the characters were made out to be yoo simple. Everybody that writes cheating stories now on this site try to make it so hard with theirs reasons and results it has become a competition between writers to see who has the silly story.

at times this story is borderline irrational Gibberish

REVIEW the facts --The husband has been going thorugh hell for months. The wife has been involved is evil twisted soul crushing emasculating scheme.

Upon finding out that there was NO book... that the wife has been fucking someone else for Months... finding out this whole loooong drawn out agony is part of the wife 's scheme.. what does he do?

The husband asks the wife One last time

"Don't you want to save this marriage?" he asked. "I'm doing all the work, here."

is this like a fucking joke????

This story was like watching Broncos after Elway retired!

The coach stayed the same so the game plans were championship caliber but the actual execution of great ideas was borderline slipshod.

Shuttlepilot bears watching in future.The story theme of women twisting mass-think of daytime TV to fit personal agendas was incendiary ! The 2nd part with scenes of husband in counseling with wife held flashes of great promise.

I'll let other comments point out leigon of points for future improvement except for one. Please no more idealist heroes whose vocation is that of lawyer. It's kind of a oxymoron - that un'.

Not as confusing

The story idea needed to be developed a bit more. Not that it's plot premise isn't good, for it really is (and I liked the "twist"). However, there is a distinct difference between intent and execution. The same issues that seemed to be part of Ch. 2, were present in this installment.

On the other hand, there is still a great potential that is waiting to be let loose.

For that reason, I did enjoy the story, at least until the end, where it sort of petered out.

Still, I will continue to read Pilot's latest submissions, as I suspect they'll only get better.

Good plot

But, as others have said, the story line was too sketchy. At times it seemed more like an outline of the story. I suppose that last sentence is a bit harsh, but this could have been a much better story if it was fleshed out a bit more.

That said, the plot was pretty good, although I never felt the emotions from the Husband that I think you were trying to express.

Great Story

GO BRONCOS

More Flesh and Polish

I agree with HDK: You have a nice economy of words, and you generally pick the right ones to most succinctly convey what you wish to convey. This is far harder than most readers think, and it's the sign of someone with talent.

I also agree with HarryinVA: After hubby learns of the whole twisted scheme, he's still trying to give her one last shot at saving the marriage? When she confronts him angrily again, no less? Really? For fuck's sake . . . I mean, really?

Regarding the gibberish comments, I also agree with them, but they're easily rectified. The biggest obstacle to reading the entire piece was that you didn't separate the scenes with a line of ***** or +++++ or -----. That would've clued us in that the characters were now elsewhere in a different setting. While it may sound minor, it adds tremendously to the overall plot.

One final recommendaton: He learned of the cheating and then just moved on. Period. No reflection or anything. This gives up a lot of the emotional charge you spent two previous chapters building.

Still, I enjoyed this, and I hope you post something more soon.

Thanks!

Rushed!

everything in this chapter felt rushed. Wanna try again with more feeling... and editing?

What parts worked for me?

I actually enjoyed the counselor. She was not your typical man hating, fault finding harridan bitch.

I believed the character of Jeanette and Eileen, strangely enough...as seperate people.


I liked his bout of trucker therapy.

I didn't like the maudaulin 'woe is me' attitude in the first chapter. His reactions seemed a bit ridiculous to me, and that tainted the whole story, IMO.

There are many other things to say about this story but you have to want to hear them. Send me a comment if you want to hear it.

AND ONCE THE WEB HAS BROKEN

the spider starts to spin another. TK U MLJ LV NV

Hopefully

There is more coming - I want to see it!

C'mon

CH4. I know you are still around quit commenting on other stories and finish this one!

You gotta love a fantasy -

The ending was a great one too -

She was a pig and a slut and stoopid - malicious and vicious - the world cannot beat on her too much.

For him to walk into a relationship with 2 new awesome women who accept each other, too - woof dream come true heh - Oh and he is a successful, rich lawyer too lol -

Damn Entertaining

and that is why were are here! gve it a 5 for entertainment. just a little more character development and conclusion might help - but hey this isn't a dickens novel, you did good.

Chapter 4

At the end Jeannette and Eileen & Bill seem to be going on a Cruise. 1. How did the B!tch react to seeing 2 other women Smothering her guy .
2. How did everyone do afterwards. 3. How did Bill do personally and Professionally.

Not a good Story, dont waste your time.

2*

Wunderbar!!!

Absolutely great story. Well worth the time to read.

Damned good job author. Keep up the great story telling you're doing.

doesn't work

Your writing is very good, not withstanding other comments, e.g. Rehnquist. However I've difficulty with the wife's attitude throughout. She wanted to stay married didn't she. I mean, she followed him to the door screaming at him and was described by her friend as distraught. Surely she must realise that he hasn't cheated and therefore there's no way he's going to admit it. So where's plan b? Back off from a losing fight and reconcile - she can still keep her lover (much as I'd personally hate that!). But to push her marriage to the point of a divorce she doesn't want, while being given chance after chance by her husband just makes no sense. I've come to realise that too many LW stories really feature STUPID woman, and so i've deducted two stars. 3 stars for the writing. I hope to read more from you in the future.

Best,
M

Please rewrite this story.

This is a wonderful idea that you did not close properly. The story needed another chapter where her true nature would be brought out in the court one layer at a time.

What a sneaky conniving bitch ! He never cheated on her, this was a ploy. The gutter slut has been cheating on him for 3 years! How stupid is this husband, why didn't he think of that, obviously she was having an affair & just tried to flip the guilt onto him... Dumb & dumber

Is that an end?

Another wimp. The bitch gets away too easily..

What

exactly is Joanne's motivation? She had it all. A loving husband who treats her well and is good in the sack, her disparaging comments notwithstanding. A lover whom she's been fucking for three years and about whom her husband is clueless. Why then does she provoke a needless confrontation at the end of which she loses both her husband and her lover? Did she have a death wish?

A sequel explaining Joanne's POV would be nice.

Chapter 2 feels like a complete waste of time.

A huge freaking deal is made back and forth over the entirety of chapter 2 between the characters, about this book that she supposedly read that featured him in it. Yet the first thing that happens in Chapter 3 is her revelation that the book never existed, and that she's been cheating for the last 3 years.

Then of course there's him - she never admits outright that she violated her vows, yet the first thing he does is sleep with Jeanette and Eileen before the divorce is even granted? Despite all his simping about his personal values and how he wasn't raised that way? After all that, he has no clue that she actually cheated on him, and he goes and does the same thing? He basically pissed away his ethics. Nice to see a male lead character who is actually a little hypocritical and human, but yick. Great story otherwise, but two stars for the pointless side-trip into chapter 2. Had this been shortened to the first and third chapters, it would have been a lot better.

WHAT!!!

This final chapter doesn't seem to fit with the first two, I'm left with the feeling you rushed it so that you could finish it yet brought up things in this chapter that were at odds with things said in the previous chapters.

Disappointing would be how I rate this, I expected more of this chapter and feel you have let yourself down with it.

Only 3*