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So You Want to Be in Movies

bysr71plt©
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Comments (3)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous10/01/12

Excellent

I admire your writing style.A well composed story and the fantasy was very hot Loved it

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by FallingToFly10/01/12

Sometimes I think

That these contests force us to publish before we're really ready. This is a great story, but either there's a formatting bug or it just didn't have time to get a final polish in- it almost feels like something is missing. It's hot though, and I really, really enjoyed the read.

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by WickedWendyDru10/11/12

Agree

I would agree with Falling. As always, your writing is visual, descriptive, and close to technically flawless. But this piece is rushed. You've created flash fiction out of something that could've been, with just a bit more, exquisitely eerie. The reader just isn't given time to fall into it enough. We don't get enough time to know our narrator, to learn what makes him tick. The reference to Jake, for example. It's almost meaningless. We know only that Jake's another man like the man doing the pitch, when if the piece was longer, and contained, say, a brief prelude scene of our narrator with Jake before he flew down, then we'd learn something about our narrator as well as Jake.

Again, your sex scenes are erotic and well written, no complaints on the scorch scale, but the first one comes up abruptly and jars the reader. Those gloves are a great image. A intro scene where he was leather teased with them, spanked or simply made to watch as the man put them on (if it were written with the right detail - and you're capable) would've warmed the reader up for all that tasty BDSM.

Just my thoughts. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing and for entering the piece in the contest. I wish you the best of luck! -TWM

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