first story?--awesome. will there be a part2? thanks
great story .. id read a second chapter
PLEASE TELL US YOU HAVE PART 2 ON THE WAY. YOU GOT THE BALL ROLLING ON YOUR FIRST TRY, KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK AND GOOD LUCK ON PART 2. KEEP THIS UP AND YOU WILL HAVE MORE FANS THEN SALLY RAND. THE OLD MAN
A chapter 2? Please!
Another round on the beach & maybe again at the house.
Possibly a happy ever after, them falling in love... her getting pregnant with a baby she's always wanted :o)
Nice work. Very hot.
The story content is damaged by the frequent and over use of "..." would read and be greatly improved by 99.999% less of these.
The person who left that comment seems to have a particular pet peeve with your usage of "..." to indicate pauses in speech. It's just that: a pet peeve. I honestly didn't realize how often you'd done that until reading his comment and going back to skim through. The fact that it didn't enter into my awareness tells me that, A) it wasn't overused, or used inappropriately, and B) the story was good enough that I wasn't so bored as to start counting "..."s.
For the record, when a person uses "..." in a story, it's to express that there's a pause in the dialog without writing "pause". It's an effective way to make the dialog read better, and to make it seem more natural as you read.
If the only thing you took from this is that it was "damaged" by the usages of that effective writing tool, then YOU are a tool. (Nice use of idiom and slang, don't you think?)
and then what
I hope there is more to cum. That was great.
Good development, good story setting, excellent scene and build-up.
Use as many "..." as you want....
Looking forward to the rest of the story.
Great storyline. Very well written. Hope you do a followup.
I hope we get to read more of them fucking and loving each other.
Thanks for the read.
For a first you've done a fantastic job. As everybody commented, except one lame brain, you need to continue this story. Keep up the great writing and hope to read more soon.
Very engaging story, and easily setup for a second chapter. Keep up the good work.
Ignore the comment from anonymous, they couldn't even come up with constructive criticism on what really matters, the story, plus don't even have the courtesy to attach a username to a post
So well done. I can imagine both men and women will enjoy this. Yes, I look forward to more from you...chapter two or whatever you choose.
I always wanted it to happen to me
I not only pictured the action I felt every lurid detail. You did well.
Rock hard great story
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