by todski28
more like a story than a poem. If you seek to be more poetic- show, don't tell. You use multitude of over used words, such as glisten and the sex descriptions were ordinary and did little to titillate.
Just keep reading poetry and practice may never make a poet perfect but it sure won't hurt!
Thanks Maria, I did lack subtlety and have blundered through merely a rhyming sex scene rather than a fully formed thought invoking poem, but I am a tad blunt in general. I will take your advice and I intend to improve as a writer.
Those who don't fall down will never learn how to walk.