All Comments on 'The Deflowered Rose'

the "translations" were really distracting and unnecessary.

The translations were annoying AND unnecessary

If you are going to use archaic speech do it properly: the people of that time used sov sentence construction. We still do in the wedding ritual: 'With this ring I thee wed'. 'I thee love', 'Ye me fuck', 'I dinner cook'.

There is no way on their God's earth she would have worn a white gown. Firstly they couldn't have afforded one, and secondly white, being the colour of ashes, was the colour of death, as it is in many cultures today. She would have worn red and or green (Holly and Ivy!) - it was some stupid Victorian princess who wore a white gown to her wedding that started the rather unfortunate fashion for white wedding dresses.

And while we are on the subject of retro colours: blue was for girls and crimson for boys, but after a thousand washings and being handed down for umpteen generations crimson baby clothes faded to a rather pale pink. I am not sure when the colours switched, but again, it would have been in recent history.

As the previous comment stated, the translations are FUCKING ANNOYING. Do you think your readers to be so stupid that they wouldn't be able to understand what your characters were speaking. It's simple English, for fuck's sake. Knock that translation shit out the next chapter. I couldn't even finish this story because I was annoyed with all the crap. "Undress me, wench"...do you think we are so stupid that we don't know what that means?

by thr time the girl was 18 in times about which you write ,the girl would be married and no doubt also had children.these stories lack sense.

I gave up fast because the 'translations' were so incredibly annoying.

Also in response to the previous comment (and the implication in the story), although most people assume that history necessarily means younger brides, this isn't necessarily the case. In fact it was mostly the rich who would marry young, because their betrothals and marriages were far more likely to be arranged and politically motivated. For those who had to work for their living, marriage was often as much a business decision as a financial one, and so depended upon not only the man but the women being productive, mature and financially capable. Late teens could greatly contribute to the family income as part of the family unit and girls were frequently employed in service before marriage (I'm talking about the middle ages here, where it seems you have attempted to set your story). Often a sum of money was necessary to be paid to the landlord. A family unit necessitated the woman being extremely hard working and capable, as well as securely reproductive. Although historically it is very difficult to examine accurately the ages of the ordinary people, and you haven't specified a period or place, the likelihood is that 'serfs' throughout much of Europe would not be expected to enter into marriage by 18 (and would be unlikely to have needed to do far more work than just potato harvesting). Mid to late twenties would have been far more likely, particularly in the early middle ages, when serfdom was strongest, but even in the later middle ages it probably wasn't as early as you seem to think, except for the elites.

Go back and rewrite the story without the translation part I will Rate this right now give it at best 3

Great story. Thanks for the translation of "old" english, im not native english speaker and if i always had to google the words, it would have been annyoing for me.

I love your stories:)

I for one enjoyed the story, and found the translations a interesting slice of english language history. Keep up the good work.

I enjoyed the story very much and did not think the translations spoil the story at all, in fact some of the translations made me smile. They are bracketed and can, after all, be skipped easily. I also think, as commented previously that some of your readers do not have English as their first language. I doubt many would have heard the term "Grammarcy" Now they have though and it saves them looking it up. Me included.

I found the story stimulating, interesting and educational. You have researched the time period and from what I have read, it is correctly recorded in your story.

I hope you continue to write your stories. I loved it. :P

there were no potatoes. Research your facts before you write.

Translating the painfully obvious is not appreciated.

the translations were hilarious, seriously. they're pretty just optional accessibility / hilarity in the story that are perfectly ignorable.

Very nice job keeping the feel of the medieval era. It made it very genuine.

I made it through only a little of the dialogue, until it became apparent the 'translations' would persist. It was unnecessary, irritating, and threw me completely out of the story so that I couldn't enjoy it.

Re-submit either without the translations or writing in current English. far too distracting otherwise

We get the idea but do it without the translations

Totally took me out of the story.

Excellent story made almost unreadable by the silly translations.

Actually I found it rather hot and seeing that 31 people before me put it in their favourites, it seems not all people agree with previous comments.

The translations, arn't needed, though I found them quite amusing.

And it did not spoil the enjoyment of the story for me.

Please keep writing. It was a good read. :P

Of course you'll miss the humor but you already did anyway...

People know that this is a historical/medieval tale you don't need to see the meanings of every single sentence. It could have been a good story otherwise - I just couldn't get past having to re read everything someone spoke.

I couldn't even get halfway through the first page. You don't need to translate every single word that they speak. If someone can't decipher what is being said, they're an idiot.

Never commented on a story before in all my years browsing this site, but this pissed me off enough that I absolutely had to.

If you must have translations, could you put them at the end of the story so that they won't affect the reading experience. They were kind of pointless and ruined the whole story.