by schnitzs
it's obvious that you are not english speaking and it makes the story very hard to read from now on if you need to write do it in your own language or find a school teacher that teaches english writing and have them edit your stories so you don't give the readers headaches any more
Watch your spelling. It distracts me while I beat my meat.
I found your English a little distracting at first but then grew accustomed and could enjoy your story. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sounding like a non-English speaker telling a story. Happens all the time.
I think with a good editor your story would be 1000x better. Poor grammar and limited/immature word choice becomes distracting. Got a long way to go, but you have potential.
i was hopping you would drop off your clothes and let him see you naked and masturbate with him i even got hard reading this story. thanks i bet you are one hot momma