by MSTarot
though it might be one poem, now the rest, some suggestions
"For like glass roses are we both." Comes off as an affectation, how is
for we both are like glass roses, now why like glass, give at least a hint.
A lump of terror in in my throat, there to stay forever.
This is minor, but your throat is part of you. Why not here instead of there? "here" would be more immediate. This is just some of the crap you have to think about.
5ed anyway
This is beautiful, using common language effectively, although I agree with 1201 about "we both." It felt contrived.