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Latest 15 Reader Comments

Beautiful

Absolutely beautiful.
It touched me so deeply.

Thanks for sharing...

WHATS WRONG WITH ANY NAME

it really is a descriptive noun. TK U MLJ LV NV

AN ANATOMY DISSERTATION

creates a myriad of poetry. TK U MLJ LV NV

AND LICKETY SPLIT

the tongue polisher is excited. TK U MLJ LV NV

Sometimes I dream...
I breathe underwater
I tried it once with that love first found
I awoke in terror because
I saw myself...
I saw myself that I was drowned

hmmm

Nice! I like it

The first 2 lines, though:

We met and the earth moved.
We came together and it quaked.

moved is stronger than quaked. is that what you intend? How about:

We met and the earth moved.
We came together and even heaven quaked.

hmmm

trite. needs to be more interesting

hmmm

I like this. However, the line:

Where I cannot follow.

is not right. We will all follow...in time!

hmmm

I like the sirens aspects of it, but too up-front.

The secret of the terror/call should not be revealed until the end--until it's too late!

hey

Not sexy at all!

hmmm

I think your poem is too "on-the-nose."
Too much imagery here and not enough context/action. Kind of stuffy.

If I have to choose...

I favor the recited version, though a slightly better audio quality would help there. The pause between the title and the poem feels a bit long to me.

What makes the audio version my preference also happens to be my favorite line of the entire poem: "tasting your skin your skin your skin"

Your reading of that line conveys the feeling of the whole piece in just those few words. It's hard to imagine that anyone couldn't relate to that feeling in that moment.

Aesthetically, I don't care for the indents here. I don't have anything against indents generally, but something about them in this illustration isn't working for me. I can't quite put my finger on why (I'm not expert on this) but it doesn't feel balanced. Though, perhaps that's what was intended.

Over all, I enjoyed this piece, and I think you did a good job creating the mental images and emotions in it.

" dreamin' of the convex curve above your arse " ...' Backs of your thighs morph into

curves of satiny thin skin '....one more fix of your soul-strippin' screams -----outstanding phrases & figures of speech , emotions , feelings ---5-ed !!
[ because of the dark illustration couldn't read directly from screen very clearly --later took a printout & appreciated your fine work ]

YET THE LASH RARELY STRIKES

as fear of sound and slash. TK U MLJ LV NV

"discordant hell of disrepair" is an

Immortal Line worthy of Dante himself !!
5-ed .

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