Ave' - Crazy Life

My buddy Ave' left without a trace
He disappeared like air above our building
bought by some s.o.b. builder who is adding 20 stories
Fuck'em

Ave' moved out.
Had a Jewish last name
I always told him he was a Jew.
He insisted he was an Irish Catholic.
We laughed a lot about that when
I told the waiter to take back his bacon and eggs
It wasn't kosher.
Was bi-polar, not a polar bear.
A vet who'd skipped the big war,
had to go monthly to the vet hospital to get his meds.
Could be moody, usually in good humor.
He was anchored to his life
like a Good Humor truck
parked outside an elementary school.

His wife was a French midget,
well, maybe a few inches taller.
Called her Biscuit,
Thought he was talking about a race horse.
Tied to her like stuffing in a turkey
Said the nastiest things about her;
boring, dumb, stupid, no sex for years.

All he could talk about was his ex-lover
his Puerto Rican Secretary.
She was his true love, never shut up about her.
Worked his real estate office 15 years back.
Liked to fucked her on his desk- very often.
Under the desk, she'd blow him while he talked to clients.
She thought he'd marry her.
Ave' hesitated.

He'd had bad luck in marriages.
His first wife went bonkers, divorced her in the nut house.
Married a broad he'd gotten pregnant.
Figured she'd take care of his other two kids. She did.

Ave's sex drive was to much to contain.
Try to get shaving cream back in the can.
In the Swinging 80's he was into cocain and pussy.
Wife #2 ditched him.

Why'd ya marry Biscuit?
Owned her apartment, saved me rent.
That's where I met him,
We were both living in the same prewar slum.
The halls smelled like pea soup
I think you could have scraped it off the walls for dinner.

Biscuit was an actress, pretty for a midget.
Midtown was her beat.
She hadn't acted in years but nicely to me.
We didn't bother each other.
She taught drama and lived it.
Knew Ave' was crazy.
Inherited a home in Vermont for vacations from NYC.
Her brother lived there.
Hated Ave's guts, rarely spoke.

Getting back to his Puerto Rican sex-retary,
Cunt was tighter than a key hole.
Ass hole as available as the Sunday NY Times.
Hubby a tough cop, didn't care much for Ave.
Maybe knew was boffing Desiree.
Ave' got lucky, that fucker could have killed him.
The flatfoot retired. Ave' got the ultimatum,
"Marry me or I'm moving to Florida with Tomas".
He didn't bite. She moved.

Would often say, "My cock has never recovered."
Ave' flew down to see her a year later.
"She came to my hotel but wouldn't fuck me"
"I had my chance but I'd muffed it."
"I got down on my knees to beg her to take me back.
Red hard-on sticking out my fly crying.
She just walked out"

Back in NYC doing coin shows
Selling off his penny collection.
Wanna buy one cent coins from 1920-1985?
Me neither.
Ave'd field calls from pawn brokers
who wanted to dump their shit.
He wasn't a cash buyer.
Used credit cards.
Finally he got lucky,
1943 Copper Wheat Penny found in a box of pennies.
Worth $85,782.

"Don't tell Biscuit.
I'm gonna travel the world."
Left it on the dresser.
Needing change for the laundry
Biscuit cashed it in at the corner bodega
with a bunch of coins from old change purses.
Ave went crazy.
But he was crazy to start with.

Collection agencies
hot on his trail.
Ave' and Biscuit disappeared.
Left no forwarding address.
I miss the son of a bitch.
We played pinochle together.
I usually won.
If he ever shows up I'd let him win a few hands.
Ask him for the few hundred he owes me.