Blindness

This, the falling away....

                     ·° ¤ Blindness
Why can you not see the truth in thee?
What  is it that thy blind eyes think they see?
It is definately not that which appears to be before me.

But truth is a sea.
Flows on waves that rise and fall from peak to peak.
Unseen the hollow lows between.
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I search for a specific poem within.
I know it hides there as I can hear it quietly singing.
It says something about flight.
About sight.
About right.
Sometimes of shadow.
Other times, of light.
And far to often I can feel it hide itself away in unreasonable fright.
Makes me want to cry.
The shock and pain as that which makes all worthwhile,
 hides itself inside.
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I believe.
No other choice have I but to see what lies before me.
I may try to hide.
Give up and cover my crying with sighs.
Truth does not disapear
Forever does it ever again before me rise.
Forever denying I turn away my eyes.
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Baby, more than ever do I want thee by me.
To feel and smell and touch thee.
Want thee.
Gods
Higher Powers
 All below or above.

I want SHE!
My fantasy.
The one I've come to love.
Wish she were here to touch.

I want what I want.
And wantings not enough.
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I know that you are not mine.
That you say for another does thy heart brighter shine.
You do have faults that I can see.
I'm not blind to them.
Not all the time.
But when I have you here,
all I can think of is that you ARE HERE.
So very here.
I want nothing more intensly as to hold thee.
Keep you by me.
Want thee so intensly.
Feel that if you let down those walls,
maybe?
You do feel it same as me.
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The Lord and Lady do tease me for eternity it seems.
Dangle before me she of whom I'd eternally dreamed.
She has so many hidden levels to her seeming.
Games with fire that she plays, that only to her have any meaning.
And yet she satisfies within me many of the most hidden of feelings.
Unmeaning, simultaniously me as well though is she teasing.

You say you do not want to hurt me.
Yes.
I am at heart desperate.
Got wants so bad they've become serious needs.
And I know that this you see.
I do VERY much like thee.  
At the same time, things you say do hurt me.
Not meaning to.
Merely showing me that which you do.
And that a thing and part of you I simultanously torture myself with,
and value.

So, who among us is not sick?
I'm still looking at me,
 and discovering the hidden things that make me tick.
I do get caught in lust.
Your feel, sight, and kisses,
 fire me till I feel I bust.
That coupled with the fact you somehow feel in me one you trust.
That you DO tell me this stuff.
That to the challenge of dealing with such,
rise I must.
Cannot stop myself.
Beyond me to turn away.
Yet, I know that to continue....
Why am I willing to risk a return to feeling as dust?
Is it all about someone to talk to?
Touch?
For whom to lust?
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What is it that I seek?
What is it that might be enough?
I know that it has something to do with my beliefs.
And that inflicted on me by my perception of things at the beginning.
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---           ---           ---
I love one whos near.
One so far I may never clearly see her.
One whos passed.
One whos left,,,
I pray never again to see her....
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Why do I fight you?
Why might I try?
Why should I stay and fight,
knowing that which you might?
I want you!
I want YOU!
I WANT YOU!

Damned if I know why 'tis I do.
Only thats its true.

Why do I fight you?

I think I love you.

I think of nothing else all the day through.
Dreams of you by my side fly through my mind.
Touching
Feeling
Tasting

Wanting.....

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Sweet.
You frighten me.
I cannot help but open myself to thee.
How is it that I perform this act of madness?
So blithly?
Obsessively.
I wish perhaps this once the future I could see.
Whether to stay.
Or run far from this act of insanity.

You have such beauty that you refuse to see.
And inside of you the ever changing puzzle that attracts, and so excites me.
The darker shell that covers the light of thee.
Resonates with mine with such intesity.
The little girl that peeks out so shy and sweetly.
She that hides within thee so deeply.
She that comes out to play with me.
I do love her.
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  Oh sweet Lady,
is this a trick I play on me?
Is my need so great I do but blind me?
How may I find my way through the seeming to what may be reality?
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You do this to me with fore thought!  
Tighten bonds about me.
Which to to fight against brings me naught.
Learning well you are the things that work for me.
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Baby,
blessed or cursed am I?
I cannot see.
Badly, I do want to touch and hold thee.
Physically.
Mentally.
Emotionally,
more thoroughly get to know thee.
Kiss, nibble, lick, suck all over thee.
I know that this you clearly see.
I want thee.
Want desperately to be with thee.
To lie quietly at thy side.
Pass the eternal hours of the night.
Eyes open or shut.
But, with my mind ever open wide.
To trace thy curves and lines.
Be with thee outside of time.
Live the forever now.
Now, sublime.
Now, more intoxicating than any earthly wine.
Here by thy side.
Wind feeding fire feeding wind feeding fire flying ever higher.
Create an energy storm.
Thunder and lightning.
Passion storm we might feed one another never ending.

Want to feel your skin.
Feel the want that hides within.
Fingers and tounge.
Flicking.
Licking.
Tasting the wants hidden within.
I want to touch you baby.
Feel the want you feel for me.
Need to feel wanted.
Know well you want to be wanted as much as me.
This a thing I can, oh so very clearly, see.
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The end of the year has come now very near.
Both of us going through some bitter times.
Getting a bit wierd as more and more I start to whine.

Why can I not convince you?
Why is it so important that I do?
Why do I fight both for, and against?
What is so damn compelling about this damned dance?
I'm starting to feel more and more the touch of the dark.
Let it flow out and through,
to the hunger of the shadow shark.
Play games in shades ever growing more dark.
Playing games that seem to not be worth the pain involved in such a fools lark.
Getting deeper into a dull sort of ache.
Wondering if ever I might find a way to gain?
Whats so hard about love?
Why is it a struggle?
Fight?
Infantil game of shove?
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Its not about love.
Its about want.
Something about a deep need for touch.

Love...
More than flesh touch.
Mind and emotion sharing.
Holding and caring.
That, I do not get enough of.
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What is innocence?
And is it dead?
Is it nonsense to hope that such might only temporarily have fled?
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Do NOT turn my way.
Do NOT speak to me.
Give little,
 to not a damn what it is that you might wish to say.
Yes I'm angry at you.
Also true is that much of its directed my own way.
Saddened that my own bane,
 over thee should have so much sway.
I HATE PAIN...
Angry at the IS that this should be this way.

end this way
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                           ·° ¤¤¤ PAIN!!!!!!
I HATE pain.
Disturbs any pretense of stability.
Sanity.
Awareness of serenity.
Temporarily destroys the possibility.
Perceptual.
Interpretational.
Lack of any other validity.
Or is that lack of clarity?
Damn insanity.

Fever dreams.
Souring, bluring all realities seeming.
Sympathy for the rat.
Chewing off appendages.
Never looking back at the trap.
I HATE pain.

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From a higher plane.
Look deeper.
Disconcerting isn't it?
Look deeper.
LOOK AGAIN!
'Twas my own prayers hit the web.
Ricocheting about inside my own head.
Blessed Be indeed fool, that you've not yet joined the walking dead.

HATE PAIN!!!
Rains.
Stains.
Drains.

Scream that its all a dream.
Lie...
Deny.
Come children,
 share a bit of my nightmare.
Don't bother being scared.
Plenty for all.
Nothing about it thats at all rare.
Twisted possibilities.
Sloowwww eternity.
Forevers ever.
Never?
Fair?
Are we born with our portion of luck?
Methinks I've used mine all up.

Eventually this insanity, too, will pass.

Wish fast.

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Re-weaving of my fever dreams.
Searching my way past the threads of Arachnids webs.
Glimpses of reality through it all.
Mere slip away from the most painfull of falls.

So very slowly I get better at looking within.
But I find I'm all to easily distracted
 by the most interesting of temptations.

Its said that there is no gain without pain.
Never before now has it ever worked that way.
Seems I might be learning something about lifes games.
Although truth be told, it often leaves me feeling much the same.
Wanting to hide in the deepest of dark solitary caves.
Do want to thank you Monkey, for caring whilst I wander about insane.

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