- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Bobbie
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Click hereShe shuffled to the piano
painfully, slowly,
supported
by the daughter
she no longer recalls.
Gnarled, stiff hands,
so fragile and thin,
grasp at sheet music
as unfamiliar as hieroglyphs.
She stared at those pages
and down at the keys
before finally, haltingly
plinking random notes.
This woman, once renowned
for her independence,
her stubbornness,
now frail and lost
within a home
she can't remember.
Playing piano in her
own private hell.
- COMMENTS
tazz317almost 12 years agowho could be in her band of demons. TK U MLJ LV NV
LeBrozabout 17 years agoThis poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 35,000 poems.
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LeBrozover 17 years agoAn Alzheimer's hell
Is not as bad for those with the disease
{they don't remember what they've lost};
The true hell's for those who remember
What the victims used to be.
Honey123about 19 years agoSharp images with your words here,Min...life's little cruel jokes, huh?
~Honey
LadyJeanneabout 19 years agoThis is amazing. Sad, resigned, a bleak reality poignantly expressed so clearly. Wow. Thank you, LJ.
Anonymousover 19 years agoi thought i commented on this too..ages ago.
well..better late then never.
sorry hun, i try to hit the poems that come in everyday..if i miss them..i miss everyones.
last time i was here..there was only a couple posted.
at any rate..lovely stuff min!
cheerful_deviantalmost 20 years agoAnother great work from minsue. Very touching for those who have seen the mind of someone they cared for fade away. Well done.
tarablackwood22almost 20 years ago...is your tenth vote, Min, because this poem deserves it. I thought I voted on it already, but I never vote without leaving a comment. Perhaps, I just saw it on the 'passion thread.' It's beautiful, and I also think that Eve's suggestions are quite valid. :kiss:
WickedEvealmost 20 years agois very moving.
I like to make a suggestion, if you don't mind. I think it may help to remove a few words.
In stanza one, I'd drop "slowly" since shuffling already implies slow movement.
And in stanza two, perhaps there are too many descriptive words for hands: gnarled, stiff, fragile, thin. I really think it would be an improvement to drop one of them. For example:
Stiff hands,
fragile and thin.
In the third stanza, I'd use either "finally" or "haltingly". Both seem to be a bit much.
As I said, suggestions only--very minor ones.
Angelinealmost 20 years agoYou've presented this person's descent into the hell of--I assume--Alzheimer's or the like so subtly. There's something in the spare but precise imagery that lends it such delicate insight. It's really well done, girlfriend. :)
