- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Brush
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click hereShe lets me brush her hair sometimes
Says her dad used to do it
He's been dead for ten years now
The brush slides through
Sand colored, silk thread
Like rain down a window
She can't remember the song
He used to sing
Before she was too old
To let her father baby her
Pale yellow
Light paints
Turning sand into gold
She closes her eyes
She isn't with me
She’s with daddy
Falling asleep to a lullaby
And a soft brush through her hair
- COMMENTS
WickedEvealmost 20 years agoThis part is wonderful:
The brush slides through
Sand colored, silk thread
Like rain down a window
*no thermometer rating
annaswirlsalmost 20 years agothis was a lovely read
~anna who does not use the thermometer for ratings
Tathagataalmost 20 years agothe title..though I usually give things a harmless title..I think it springs the intensity better.
Beautiful Images and a tender poem.
I like the rain on the window line myself...but it's phrased the way I write.
I think it could be more intense, richer, but i also like it the way it is.
The trick is knowing when you are done.
Thank you
jd4georgealmost 20 years agoThis poem is worthy of something more than "Brush". As you contemplate twelveone's excellent suggestion, also revisit your title. A wise poet once told me that when in doubt, try using the next to the last line of the poem. Damned if it doesn't work most of the time!
"Falling Asleep to a Lullaby" has possibilities.
twelveoonealmost 20 years agotwo quick comments, this is nice:
"Pale yellow
Light paints
Turning sand into gold"
this needs to be worked on, you have brush, sand colored, silk thread, and rain, it needs a little more unification.
"The brush slides through
Sand colored, silk thread
Like rain down a window"
