Camuse, Washington

ABOUT ME
THEY ALWAYS SAID
HE’S SO STRAIGHT AND NARROW
HE’LL BE THE FIRST ONE TO MARRY
TO SETTLE DOWN
HAVE KIDS
LIVE THE AMERICAN DREAM
OF SENSORY-DEPRIVED NO-PAIN
DISENGAGEMENT
YOU KNOW IT
WE ALL DO
AND THE ROAD OF LIFE
WILL GLISTEN WITH THE ASPHALT
OF COMFORTING SMOOTHSWIRLS
AND HIS WIFE WILL BE FOREVER LOYAL AND GOOD TO HIM
AN INTOXICATINGLY SLEEPY
DULL
KIND OF LOYAL
AND SHE WILL SOMETIMES FEEL THE COMPULSION TO SNEAK
OUT
AND SUCK THE COCKS OFF OF DISSIDENT, BADASS MEN
AND LICK THE EDGY STINK OFF THEIR BALLS
I’M NOW 52
BUT LIFE
CLOWNS.
I’M 52
I STILL PLAY THE BUTTON-DOWN
SOMEWHAT .
BUT I HAVE WEIRDLY
BECOME THE SECOND MAN
WHAT A BIZARRE FUCKING TWIST
IS THAT ?
I AM GOING TO CAMUSE
TO MEET SOMEBODY WHO IS THE “SHE”
THEY ALL SAW ME WITH
SHE WILL DRIVE HER HUSBAND
TO HIS WORK AND THEN
SHE WILL KNOCK ON THE HOTEL ROOM DOOR
STEALTHILY
AND I WILL OPEN IT
AND I WILL COMMENT ON HER TATTOOS
AND PROCEED TO DEEPTHROAT HER
BECAUSE I
HAVE LOST ALL RELEVANCE TO THINGS
THAT IN ANY WAY RESEMBLES
SETTLING
I HAVE BECOME
THE ADVENTURE
I SNAP PICTURES
OF
THE ADVENTURE.
AND SHE WILL SWEAT OVER HER DESK THE NEXT MORNING
WHILE HUBBY IS AT WORK
AND MAKE A GALLERY ALBUM ON HER SECRET ACCOUNT.
IN MANY OF THEM SHE IS SMILING AND FOCUSED
ON A HUGE VEINY PRICK IN FRONT OF HER TURBO-CHARGED MOUTH.
YOU HAD ME WRONG IN THE EARLY DAYS
I AM NOT A NICE GUY
I AM NOT A PROVIDER
I CAN NOT PROVIDE A COMFORTABLE HOME
I AM THE COCK.
BUT THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME TO MAKE A SOJOURN OF THIS NATURE.
AND IT ISN’T THE FUCK
THAT DISTINGUISHES THE TRIP
BUT THE THOUGHTS
BEFORE AND AFTER
REMINDING ME
ACTUALLY
WHAT AN AGING EXISTENTIAL WRECK
I HAVE BECOME.
I DRIVE FOR 3 HOURS FROM SEATTLE SOUTH
MY MIND RARELY RESTS ONTHE SEXUAL
TRYST APPROACHING
TEN YEARS EARLIER MY MIND WOULD HAVE BEEN CONSUMED
WITH IT AS I COUNTED THE EXITS.
NOW MEETINGS LIKE THIS HAVE APPROACHED
THE MATTER-OF-FACT
SENSORY ENTERTAINMENT FOR THE NEXT MORNING
AFTER STRONG COFFEE.
MY CAR SHOVES ITSELF NON-CHALANTLY
THROUGH THE FUCKED-UP JULY
NON-STOP DRIZZLE RAIN
I AM PONDERING MY MESSY EXISTENCE
WHERE TO ROLL MY SOUL
AFTER 2 MORE YEARS OF MY TEACHING JOB OVERSEAS
HOW TO MAKE MEANING OUT OF THE COLLECTION OF
HUMAN BODY CELLS THAT I
AM ALREADY STARTING TO LOATHE.
I GET DISTRACTED FOR A WHILE
DRIVING SOUTH OF TACOMA
DUMBLY FIXATED
ON A FATAL TRAIN DERAILMENT
TWO YEARS EARLIER
AND TRYING TO PINPOINT
WHICH OF THE GRAFFITI-STREWED BRIDGES
ABOVE ME
STAGED THE GRISLY DISASTER
AND THE DRIVER’S LAST THOUGHTS
AS THE TRAIN MUSCLED ITSELF
WITH THUNDERING FINALITY
ONTO THE METAL OF HIS CAR
ON THE FREEWAY
UNDER THE BRIDGE
TEARING THROUGH SAID METAL
AS IF IT WERE PAPER.
THE TRUTH OF A TUMBLING
TRAIN CAR
SQUASHING ME TO DUST
WOULD HAVE BEEN PAINFUL AND BLOODY
BUT BEAUTIFUL TRUTH.
MORE THOUGHTS CONTINUE AFTER OLYMPIA
TURGID WITH THE RAIN AND RANDOM
LIFE AS DERAILED AS THE TRAIN
TUMBLING DOWN
THE OVERPASS
IN DUPONT
AND AS ANGULAR
AND CONFUSED.
I FIND THE HOTEL
HUNGRY AND HYPED ON AN ENERGY DRINK
I CHECK IN
FRIENDLY YOUNG COLLEGE-AGE GIRLS
ONE OF WHOSE BOYFRIEND IS ICELANDIC AND SHE WILL MOVE
TO REYKJAVIK WITH HIM TO START A FAMILY
AND AS I WAS THERE BRIEFLY
WE CHAT ABOUT THAT
IT WILL BE A CONTENTED HAPPY LIFE FOR HER
SHE WILL CONTRIBUE TO THE WORLD HER JOY
HER LOVING WORK
HER CHILDREN
I WILL BE TOO OLD TO BE HER SIDE GUY WHEN SHE GETS THE ITCH TEN YEARS LATER.
EVEN IF I GO BACK TO REYKJAVIK.
THE NEXT MORNING THE SEXUALLY-FRUSTRATED
MARRIED WOMAN ARRIVES
AND I ENJOY THE STANDSTILL OF TIME
AS WE SUP FROM EACH OTHER
SHE INFORMS ME THAT NOBODY HAS ENTERED HER
BUT HER HUSBAND.
I SMILE AND THANK HER
I HAVE DONE SOMETHING GOOD FOR SOMEONE ON THAT DAY.
LATER
I GATHER MY THINGS AND LEAVE THE HOTEL
I DON’T FEEL GIDDY NOR SWELLED OF EGO
JUST DISTANT
AND FLOATING INTO GRIM CONTEMPLATION AGAIN
OVER COFFEE, PILSNER
AND CAULIFLOWER PIZZA
READY FOR THE RIGHT MOMENT
TO DRIVE NORTH.
PLEASE DON’T
INTERPRET THIS POEM
POST-HUMOUSLY
AS THE RAMBLINGS OF A DESPERATE
AND LONELY SOUL
I WOULDN’T WANT FOR A MINUTE
THE POINTLESS
HELL
THE SODOMIZING OF THE EARS
THE PROVISIONAL LOVE
THE DAILY EMASCULATION.
SO TO ALL THOSE WHO THINK I AM CRYING FOR
THE SOFT SECURITY
AND CONSTANT TOUCHES
AND REASSURANCE EVERY NIGHT
OF THAT
THANK YOU
BUT
NO.
I HOPE TO CONTINUE
TO BE THE COCK
ON THE SIDE.