Chronicles of loss - Hope

This is my least favourite dream
the one where you fly and I dont
I smile and I wave, pretend to be glad
While feeling abandoned by hope.

The sleep of the dead does not find me
I lay here and stare at the night
Not feeling or thinking or living my life
my heart breaks anew with the light.

There is honour in defiance and price
admit neither hurt nor defeat
But what I would give, to feel the cold burned away
with lovingly shared body heat.

I am lonley and sad, deep with longing
devoid of a filled, happy heart
The deafening sounds of silence scream out
as I sleep wrapped in only my arms.

I loved you beyond truth and measure
your love, it filled me with light
But worse than that love being taken away
is its being there, just out of sight.

Had it ended with fights or betrayal
had our love eroded to dust
I could have lived with those things, and dealt with the pain
had I earned it, the end would be just.

But that isnt what came to betray us,
It was life and the things that come with.
It was the stress and the time and the distance
it was too much for one life to live.

I was always in awe of your passion,
your ability to give more than you got
to put aside time, and affection, and love
it was more than just giving a lot.

It is hard to accept such an outcome,
To know that life got in the way
Obstructed a thing that was perfect,
or at least something going that way.

I would love to bitter and prideful,
resentment is easy, its true
But each time that hear your beautiful name
I know I am in love with you.

So to you, I make one single promise.
To wait as long as it takes.
For life to calm down, while I work on my flaws
and never repeat my mistakes.

For as much as life did to derail us
ignoring my roll is a fault
I asked too much, I pushed to hard
I took fertile soil and sowed salt.

It was never you fault, you must know that
I have never once held you to blame
It was me, It was life, it was everything else
but those things are never the same

The stess will eventually fade
The gods may smile down from above
and there may come a time and choice and a thought
that could fill our bleak lives with love

So I make to you this one confession
you are still the light in my life
And to add to the confession, a promise
I will never give up the fight

I am here for you, know I am waiting
and I will wait til my dying day
If you'll have me, I'll love you and hold you
and show you a happier way.

My love for you has never faded
not deminished or lost to the night
No dreamless sleep, nor lonely day
will tell me that we cant take flight.

For the dawn will follow the nighttime
The spring will thaw the deep snows
The bird song will shatter the silence
and I have not given up hope.