- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Continental Breakfast Included
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Click hereHe read his smart book after supper
that told him how to engineer
a universe she never found
to have a rhyme for all its reason.
She dreamed of summer's setting sun
blood red, a scent of musk,
and purple veins of love at dusk.
He turned another page.
So did she so to speak,
when at last she spread her wings
but felt just incandescent heat
from the reading lamp she flicked
after half the crumpled sheets
turned cold again at midnight
until the morning when the earth
spun and tilted suddenly
and shook the hand that spilled the cream
she tried to pour in lukewarm coffee.
- COMMENTS
vrosej10about 13 years agoI miss read the change of gender in the pronouns in the first stanza. it makes more sense now. Still need a little more clarity but some of the misunderstanding was down to me...I'm more than a little off at the moment...
greenmountaineerabout 13 years agoAuthorI'm going back to the drawing board on this one, given the comments. The 1st stanza was an attempt to portray a loveless relationship, probably a marriage, in which the woman fantasized about a sexual affair. In the 2nd stanza she acted upon the fantasy, only to have been left by her lover after his needs were met, leaving her alone in the motel, lost in thought over a cold cup of coffee in the morning.
Thanks to everyone for their comments. I obviously need to bring the narrative into sharper focus.
vrosej10about 13 years agoI have some of the problems with this one the others did, but I think I get the first chapter. The dude is reading possibly a romance novel either to enhance his romantic skills or his lovemaking skills. The second one suggests he did the research but when his lady comes knocking, he doesn't deliver. Am I close?
ishtatabout 13 years agoIt's slightly weird to read something that seems well written but with which I somehow fail to engage...and I can't figure out why, and therefore can't really comment sensibly!
GuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago.....others have said, a difficult read which is a shame as it has the bones of something better. There are some lovely lines and images but the whole is muddied for some reason.
I like poetry with some mystery but this has too many red herrings for me.
Tess
UnderYourSpellabout 13 years agowell I read it over and over but I'm still lost, poems without punctuation tend to do that to me, it's sometimes hard enough to understand the author's meaning without having to guess where the commas go as well
twelveooneabout 13 years agoWell, this was an interesting journey from Ft Smith to lukewarm coffee this morning and the most excitement I've seen is my flippant comments, well a 100 for that.
Maria2394about 13 years agothat I do not understand what you are writing about. A couple of things bug me...
I'm thinking perhaps a comma after * so did she*
~So did she so to speak,
and this-
but felt just incandescent heat
from the reading lamp she flicked
I am just completely lost on... are you saying that is all she felt but was perhaps expecting more than just incandescent heat?
anyway, I like poems that make me think and you are always good for that :).
~ maria
