Cooking Dinner For You

She had plans to go out
with a friend who wasn’t me
So she told me
since you would be home alone
I should make you dinner

So I did

I let myself in
to her house
before you got home
from work
finished cleaning the kitchen
from last night’s shenanigans
and cooked dinner
for you

When you get home
I have the table set
wine poured and
I’m happily singing
in your kitchen as
I put your dinner on the table

Hi honey, I say,
Go get comfy and wash up
dinner is all ready for you

You stand still
look around
and say
I’m not used to this and
the look on your face is
a mix of happy and sad

I touch your face
look in your eyes
and say
If you were all mine
you’d have to
get used to this
I would do this for you
almost
every
day

I go back to
what I’m doing
for you
for us
and you put your arms
around me
from behind and
kiss my shoulder and
I laugh
happily
distracted

And although
we have plenty of time
to do
other things
we mostly don’t
We enjoy
the quiet normalcy
of each other’s company
we eat and
talk and
do the dishes and
then it’s my turn
to be
happy sad
as I realize
how natural
and nice
this feels

I always knew
I was
as happy with
just you
as I am with
just her
as I am with
all of us
together.

I did not
know
I am most happy
with just you and

I did not know
it’s not just about
the fucking
anymore
It’s not just about
how you work my body
anymore
It’s not just about
the way give each other
what she doesn’t give us
anymore

It’s about loving you

Goddammit
I never intended
to love you or
to let you
love me

But here we are
in her kitchen
while she is out
like it is the most
natural
normal
fucking
thing
in the world

Because it is

So I leave
before she comes home
because for some reason
our fully clothed
quiet night
at her kitchen table
feels far more intimate
than anything
we have ever done
naked
And I know
she will see it
on my face and
I can’t
have that
I can’t
let her think
I would
do that
to her

And I can’t
give her a reason
to not want me
to do this
with you
again