- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Dipyldium Caninum
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Click hereI’d seen them in the garden,
I’d seen them in rock pools.
But one day my whole world ended -
‘Cos I found them in my stools.
Worms like limp spaghetti,
Squirming in my shit.
When I saw them down the toilet
I nearly had a fit.
I dialled NHS Direct
And held the line for hours.
Then a voice from India said
“Sit naked in the flowers,
“And watch them bloom, my friend. You’ll see
Their beauty lies within
That portly frame that you now have.
Rejoice! You will be thin!”
He wasn’t lying. In a month
I looked just like Kate Moss,
With fried egg boobs and famine ribs
And legs like dental floss.
But that was where the perks ran out –
I’m bound to have a moan.
Those bastard worms were eating me
Right out of house and home.
I served up double portions
And ate all through the day,
But nothing I put in my mouth
Would keep hunger at bay.
My life became a misery, but
You’d forgive my constant bitching –
If you could for a second feel
The way my arse was itching.
I must have caught them from the cat,
Or from the dog next door.
Either way, I made my choice –
The worms could be no more.
I marched down to the vet’s that day,
And armed with worming pills,
I came back home and took the lot,
Then counted up my kills.
I might be fat these days, but at least
The ‘Alien’ scenes have ended.
The worms are back where they belong
And my digestion’s mended.
- COMMENTS
LeBrozover 16 years agoThis poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 37,500 poems.
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cloudyover 17 years agoYou say quite boldly what many would be afraid to. Funny "shit", 'zade.
KOLKOREover 17 years agoThe real shock for me was that for once, I agree with LeBroz! Saying it in my words, I’ll add that it seems like you are swinging between enjoying the sheer shock value of brazingly saying: “Shit” in a poem to the supposedly delicate readership; and a more subtle style, which allows the reader to take a hint rather than being punched in the face, Vaudevillian style.
As far as LeBroz hint to satire on many levels, that is true of course. The culture of consumption; the over consumption of food; you even got global economy into it…
Personally, I prefer, stories or poems which allow the reader to create the “dirtiest” words in his/her mind by hint and suggestion. Never mind that, If you need to shock me more and write “shitty” poems like this one – I think you are guaranteed many more “100” and thanks from readers who just can’t wait to be shocked again…
LeBrozover 17 years agoThe polite response that some might make ~
"It's too much information;"
But though it's graphic
It serves its purpose
With satire on many levels.
damppantiesover 17 years agoI read it twice. I suppose that's a good thing, but frankly, the first time I was too shocked at the brazenness and the second time I was following the rhyming scheme. But really, I applaud the madness. Standing ovation, even. :D
pop_54over 17 years agoVery chucklesome dear, pretty good sumary of the modern NHS too.... better off at the freakin vet's
Alex De Kokover 17 years agoSquirmy. I would have laughed out loud if I hadn't been so busy cringeing. I hesitate to say I 'enjoyed' it but it certainly caught my attention.
I'll say 'well done' if you promise never to write one like that again.
Alex
