Do You Not Know?

I cannot breathe.
I cannot breathe with you.
I cannot breathe without you.
We go through this cycle over and over.
This cycle of pain.
This cycle of hurt.
This cycle of love.
This cycle of passion.
Is that all we are?
Two bound souls on life’s endless loop?
Are we destined to have these brief moments of connection only to resist each other for the rest of our lives?
Like magnets.
Are we magnets in this infinite universe?
How do I help you? How can I heal you? How can I help myself?
I go crazy thinking of where the emotions stem from, where does the hurt originate?
How do we stop this hemorrhaging?
We have to find the source.
We have to stop the hemorrhaging.
Do you still not know?
All these years, and you still do not know?
Do I know you?
How could I?
You shield your true self from the one who cares the most.
The one who clings onto every thought that exits your mouth.
The one who would die if it made you happy.
The one who devotes her soul to you and only you.
No one else could hold that place.
No one else could play that role.
No one else could replace you.
Do you still not know?
She struggles to find the words to say, the words to make it all ok.
She struggles with her mind, with her emotions, with her love.
She knows you care, at least that’s what she believes.
She feels your unrest. She feels you slipping away.
She feels the weight of the sand slipping through her fingers.
She desperately tries to grasp it, to keep it in her hands, if only for a little while.
She knows she is on borrowed time.
If she could only find the source.
If she could only find the source of the hemorrhaging, she could fix it.
She could help you, she could heal you, she could heal herself.
If only she could understand.
If only you would let her in.
Or is it could?
You pace and dance around one another like your lives hang in the very balance.
Your finger tips touch briefly.
Your finger tips touch only for you to look away.
Why do you look away?
She craves your touch.
She craves your affection.
She craves your love.
All she desires is to be your muse.
But you do not need a muse, do you?
You crave to touch the world.
You crave the affection of the sun.
You crave the love of the sea.
You do not need a muse.
You create your own inspiration.
She knows. She knows that deep down.
And yet, she cannot seem to let go.
She cannot seem to put herself first, to heal herself.
She desperately seeks you out, but she feels herself being pulled away.
She desperately reaches to touch your face, but she feels herself being pulled away.
She desperately waits to feel the draw of her magnet, but she feels herself being pulled away.
She desperately listens, waiting for you.
She desperately tries to keep the sand from running between her fingers.
She is desperate for you.
She cannot eat.
She cannot sleep.
She cannot breathe.
You are her muse.
Do you not understand?
After all these years, do you still not understand?
She would bring you the Earth to touch and to hold.
She would harness the affection of the sun.
She would collect the love of the sea.
All for you.
She cannot breathe without you.
She cannot breathe with you.
She cannot breathe knowing that you do so deeply without her.
Where is the hemorrhaging?
When will the cycle end?
Will you reveal yourself to the one person who cares?
Do you not understand?
After all of these years, how could you not understand?