- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Enough Reason for a Horse
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Click hereshe wears that contusion as a corsage
marching down the aisle, a battered bride
two days ago,she climbed on a newly foaled mare
and was thrown against the chicken coop.
this morning, smiling though, she told me
that bruise would be her 'something blue'.
- COMMENTS
Liarover 13 years agoOh well, I didn't say much. Just that it was an attention-grabber of a title, and that the poen was very nice too.
Angelineover 13 years agoYou do this over and over: so much story in so few words. It's balanced and the images are vivid and active (which also gives the poem a lively pace so clear I can almost hear it). I'd put a comma after "corsage" to clarify that the bride is the one marching (though technically the bruise/corsage is with her, but you know what I mean lol). Wonderful stuff, Vee.
GuiltyPleasureover 13 years agoNicely done! Chipbutty's idea is pretty good - "through" would add to the internal rhyme.
A sensitive and humourous poem.
Tess + 5
buttersover 13 years agoin that 'marching down the aisle' and wearing her bruise out in the open.
agree about the nice use of allit, but was 'though' meant to be 'through', sound-linking with 'bruise' and 'blue'?
bogusagainover 13 years agoReminds me when an ex of mine threw herself down the stairs when half asleep and the next two weeks she spent explaining to everyone it wasn't me.
Only a small point, the first line gives the impression she has a choice about wearing the contusion, when she hasn't. Choice softens the embarrassment potential.
bulltlrover 13 years agoI feel a bit rude
laughing out loud
then I remembered
you can't hear me
This made my morning
Thank you for posting!
Esperanza_Hidalgoover 13 years agolittle verse, sweetie. A little description of a slice of life. A blue slice later to be pink, hopefully---and hopefully dry with no Australian flooding!
