Environment For Disaster

My head is an environment for disaster.
A death trap for my thoughts.
Impossible to keep them on one track,
hurling as fast as they can go.

Thoughts running out of control.
Going to depths I do not wish.
I don't really want to know,
this much about myself.

I find although I love what I have,
my head is full of complicated thoughts.
I can not rest myself for a moment.
I can not enjoy what is.

Sometimes I get stuck in circles,
round and round again.
Analyzing everything too much,
just setting myself up.

And then the circle breaks.
Firing me off on a tangent.
No choice but to let go,
for fear of making things worse.

As I go carening out of control,
it's just a matter of time
until I am a total wreak,
lying motionless on the ground.

But I am not scared,
the pain is nothing new.
It almost doesn't hurt,
I've been here so many times before.

Just as it happened before
and happened now,
It will happen again.
An endless cycle.

If you were to ask me why I get up,
I couldn't give you an answer.
Something deep inside me,
a resiliant and un unbreakable spirit.

It's a gift and a torture.
I never give up,
and I never give up
A life of pain and occasional reward.

I wish I could break my spirit.
Destroy my will.
Make it so much simpler,
but that's not me.