Every Moment Mattered To Me

What can I say? That a part of me still belongs to you?
Even though I was never yours and you never mine?

That no matter what I do I feel as though I am failing somehow?
Or that all those conversations we have ever had just replay in my head over and over
That they prevent sleep for me?
Or maybe that I always would have dropped everything if you had asked?

I know you can't hear my thoughts or even read this.
It feels good to get it out though.
That I miss you like I can't breathe.
That I miss you like nothing has ever mattered before or after....

I always thought that this is how someone who loEvst their soulmate would feel.
But that's not the case here is it?
I don't think we were soulmates, but I still search for you in every face I see even knowing you wont be there.
Silly right?

To hold onto you in such a way, when you were never mind to have or keep.
Even though I was never yours in any way that seems to call for this grief.
Its been years when will it stop?
When will your emails stop having a hold on me

When will I be okay to face the world as I used to?
When everything wasn't so jaded and broken,
When will I know what the moments, that keep replaying in my head, meant to you?
Will I ever know?

I just cant seem to let go of you, even though you're gone....
I know its silly, I just wish you were still here,
Or that you were here with me.
Just for a night so that I could have at least one night with you.

We could do anything you want....
We can eat ice-cream until we puke...
We can talk about everything that was never said, things that I should have said. No matter how hard it is...
I need that....

I need that to move on from every moment that we shared.
Not to forget but to find closure.
I want to know for sure what happened to you.
I also want to know whether what I was told is true.

I just miss you.