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Click hereFace Fuck Book #142—Desdemona
Used to hang out a lot
in the Village Coffee Shop
Always alone
Desdemon
In a world of her own
Daydreaming of night
Night dreaming of day
Tied to a hundred points
a thousand lands
ten thousand traditions
We had no chemistry
no history
On her whim we left
tasting of espresso
Spent the night together
I entered her
she lay silent
When I withdrew
she burst into tears
"I can't do this," she said
dressed quickly
rushed off into the night
I saw her again
several years later
on a Harley
Wearing a Motorcycle Jacket
Black Shiny Boots
Buzz hair cut
A young femy thing in a short skirt
seated behind
arms around her
breasts pressed against
She turned to me,
"Every driver needs a mount"
All she ever wanted was
cunt
to splay its center like
a ripe pomegranate"
She has no desire
for penis
piercing her like a can opener
But to please
she'll tease
her partner and ease
a lubed rubber baton
deep inside her vag
Trying to fill the emptiness
Desdemona no longer
feels inside
Fabulous even though it's pared right down you still keep the flow going and the story held me to the end. Very happy to give it a 5
and you have taken such care to pare this down to the essential story, reportorial and somewhat voyeuristic but also poetic. Like 12 said, this has become your poetry. I don't have an issue with your use of cunt or vag because they work best in this context. What would work better there? I don't know. Also want to say that your framing of the whole piece and individual lines is impressive. Really great work here. :-)
mr. E, what is missing? not much, you are just about hitting it all with economy, this is your style, and now your POETRY, I would like to think I had a small part, but fuck me,
here's your 5 with no hemming, and really got to admire the cunt/pomegranate play. 'Cause really if you can't offend somebody, while doing your job, you might not be doing the job, I know a mystery, maybe ash can explain it.
Liked this line. to splay its center like
a ripe pomegranate
Some interesting lines and some good assonance here. The title of the series is a little off putting but then maybe that's your point.