Final message

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Don't scream
it is only a twist
a gentle scraping
of your soul

The knife goes deeper
yet there is no pain
feelings dead
numbed unsaid

No words spoken
nothing broken
only a heart
beating off the hook

Is anyone there?
Does anyone care?
Don't scream
We'll meet in dreams

It is only a twist
and won't hurt a bit
The knife goes deeper
leaving a message

There is no beep
nothing to rewind
only our souls
forever intertwined

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8 Comments
LeBrozLeBrozabout 16 years ago
~~

This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 39,000 poems.

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duddle146duddle146over 17 years ago
Terror!

Death by loneliness ~ sinking deeper ~ feelings dead numbness sets in. Perhaps - we'll meet in a dream.

dcpoet44dcpoet44almost 19 years ago
a familiar flow.....

and i can feel it as if i'm reading it on stage. i dig this bit:

It is only a twist

and won't hurt a bit

The knife goes deeper

leaving a message

***

the message is indeed final in this one.....don

moonblademmoonblademover 19 years ago
...

This dark poetry kept me glued to the screen. I love your simple yet effective delivery. Well done, Sack!

sandspikesandspikeover 19 years ago
Cool

This is next door to getting it done. I didn't like the

4th verse, but loved the rest. It moves like the message.

I thought it was a great use of rhyme and most verses had

a killer line to back it up. Tell me, did you write this

quickly? It flows so well I'd say you kept the same train

of thought the whole time.

ChagrinedChagrinedover 19 years ago
Talk about the deep dark!

Well done but this is gonna give me nightmares for a week!

LiarLiarover 19 years ago
I must say...

...that those four opening lines had me glued to the screen.

Don't scream

it is only a twist

a gentle scraping

of your soul

Shudder. Good job.

twelveoonetwelveooneover 19 years ago
*

what movie have you been watching?

I really think you saved yourself by the last four lines:

"There is no beep

nothing to rewind

only our souls

forever intertwined"

"There is no beep nothing to rewind" I haven't heard before; its juxtaposition with "only are souls..." makes it offbeat and original. "forever intertwined" is not, nor is most here.

"only a heart

beating off the hook"

being the exception.

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