Frustration

I am beginning to have doubts
I’m starting to wonder
if you are being honest with me
If you are being honest with yourself
She left her phone on the table
and I picked it up
and I started reading her texts
And you told me to stop
And I wondered
what you don’t want me to see
So I quickly scrolled through
a few days of
mundane marital bullshit
Who was picking up the kids
What did you need at the store
I’ll be late I have a nail appointment
No words of love
No I miss yous
No I can’t wait to touch yous
No pictures of you
Your naked body
Your cock
Nothing like your texts to me
Nothing that even hinted
that you love each other
And yet
you didn’t want me to see it
because it was hers and yours
and had nothing to do with me
Just like your marriage
I don’t think it will change
I don’t think you will leave her
Sometimes I think
you wish you could
You made a comment recently
about how having two wives
isn’t all it’s cracked up to be
So I told you to choose one
And you laughed and said
it’s not that easy
And I think
you wish it was
But unless and until it is
I’m just the side piece
I’m just the girl you get to fuck
And she pretends
she doesn’t know
Because
I’m also the girl who
cooks for her and
goes shopping
for her and
does her dishes
for her
and picks up her kid
for her
and feeds her dog
for her
I do a lot
for her
Because she lets me
fuck you
for her
But she didn’t intend
for me to
love you
for her or
for you to
love me
instead of her or
In addition to her and
That’s kind of
bothering her
And I didn’t intend
for you to
keep loving her
living with her
staying with her
And that’s
absolutely
bothering
me
Making me think
What the fuck
am I doing
You often say
the time I spent
before you
was a waste
And although
you’re the best at
touching me
fucking me
loving me
you are not
the best
at leaving your wife
for me
Sleeping in my bed
with me
Living in a home
with me
So perhaps
this is
a different kind of
waste
I wear your collar
like a promise
waiting to be fulfilled
but what do you wear of mine
other than my nail marks
on your back
my bite marks
on your shoulder
the taste of my body
on your tongue
It’s not enough
I don’t want to be
your best kept secret
I’m getting close
to being ready for
all or nothing
I want you to wear me
proudly
I want my chain
wrapped around
a part of you too
For the world to see
For her to see
I’m getting close
to being ready
to make you only
and always
mine
Or not mine
at all
I worry
that you
would rather be
broken
with her
than happy
with
me
I can give you
peace
but only if you’re willing
to break
your family
into
pieces