Him Again but Always You

I hadn’t seen him in a while
I haven’t seen you in a while
So when he asked me out
for drinks and snacks
I thought, fuck it
I like going out
and I said yes
and I went to meet him
When I walked into the lounge
he looked at me
and he smiled
with full dimples
and bright eyes
clearly happy to see me
And in the middle of
that crowded room
he stood up
and put his arms around me
and kissed me
And we sat
and drank
and ate
and talked
and laughed
and kissed
and touched
for hours
At one point
I saw him glance
over my shoulder
And I said
You see someone you know
And he said yes
And I moved my hand
off of his thigh
and said oh I’m sorry
I should stop touching you
And he tilted his head at me
clearly puzzled and
put his hand on
the back of my neck
pulled me to him and
kissed me
full on
with tongue
No he said
You should touch me more
You should touch me
whenever you want to
I don’t care who sees me
I don’t care who knows me
Let them watch
And as we kissed
in that crowded room
I realized
that is something that
you can’t give me
We cannot be
in a restaurant
or a bar
or anywhere
where anyone might
know either of us
or both of us
and see us
touch each other
When we are in public
we are just friends,
no benefits
And then,
as he kissed me
I realized that
I was quiet
My body wasn’t moving
My heart wasn’t pounding
When you kiss me
I cannot stop the sounds
coming from my lips,
from my throat
I cannot keep my body still
my legs together
my hands off you
my heart uninvolved
I cannot help myself
from wanting to fuck you
be fucked by you
I cannot help myself
from loving you and
wanting to be loved by you
And that is something
he can’t give me
So as he kissed me
in front of everyone
in that crowded room
I was thinking only of
being kissed
in a quiet room
all alone
with you
And I left the bar
and I left him
alone
He may be
the one who
takes me out
but you are
the one who
I want
to take me home
take me to bed
and take
my mouth
my throat
my body and
my heart