How Aparady Came to Be.

There was a situation, which I needed Jehovah to guide me through, not to put me to any test, at that time I would grab a holt of any glimmer of hope.

A time in my life when I felt sheer helplessness and despair. So, I trusted in Jesus, in the God of Israel, to help me in the time when I needed him to.

My ex wife left me, tore down all my confidence and so I turned to the Lord who is supposed to care about us and love us for who we are.

I put my trust in him, at that time,I believed him with all my heart. He just put me to a test, allowing the Devil to speak in my ear, not considering my state of mind at that time.

I would grab a holt of anything that gleamed of hope, so it was so easy for the Devil to completely make me a fool. Which he did.

I felt God abandoned me, when I needed him the most. The defining moment came when ex wife had put me to the Word and the bonds of marraige.

I had girlfriend, she was cheating on me with someone younger, but mind you, she called on me to honor the bonds of marriage according to the Word of God.

The defining moment, I said to Jehovah, see what she declares and see that despite how I feel, I shall honor the promise she holds me to.

Because I trust in the Word above myself, and how I think. I meant that with all my heart.

I got screwed, so I just quit believing, it was my ex wife who made that statement and not myself. At the time, I was ready to get on with my life and let her have her 18 year old boy.

I trusted not her, but the Word of God she held me to. I got screwed and she is still with that 18 year old boy.

It was the straw, the final stab that out me out of ever trusting in the Word and Jesus himself. Jehovah, you weren't there when I needed you the most. You didn't care what I needed in that time.

My ex wife disregarded the Word she held me to, I got screwed for believing in it and she didn't. Why trust in you Word when you don't care how I feel?

Then I made a beast out of myself to get rid of all the pain of being a man.

Now, there is no way I could ever trust Jehovah, no way I could turn my back on the torture which is Hell.

Looking back, Jim glad Jehovah didn't care enough for me to keep the Devil far away. If he did, it wouldn't have mattered if I ended up with my ex wife. Why not lead me out, was I in any frame of mind to pass any kind of test?

You just let the Devil road me around. And, the straw that completely broke my faith in you was how my ex wife can hold me to the covenant of marriage, which I honored saying you see and judge between us, that I honor the Word above how I feel.

That was the last time, she is still happy with the young guy, I'm alone for trusting his Word above how I feel. Had Jesus been there for me, I wouldn't have crossed this line, where fighting for humanity became bigger than anything I want for myself.

God showed me just how much I'm wkrth, it's my fault for believing he cared. How he treated me in my time of need had forever removed any faith in him at all.

That is when Aparody was born, and me trusting the Word of God above what I think and how I feel died. True story, if that 1 instant in my life would have validated my trust in his Word, then Aparody would have never been born.