Journal

I got the text while at the casino in Amite. Pictures of an excursion. He looks different to me now. "I take nature photos now." I respond in kind. He cannot let go of a distorted reality. Says I was violent and a danger to him. I'm the one who has seen counselors and domestic violence advocates for the awful things he did to me. I still have love for him though. That's the hard part. He is far from me. Either way, there is no more us. Since 2014. I'm still searching for myself. I was so isolated and I still am some. I'm 46. I'm fat and tired all the time. I'm biracial, black and white. I smoke Camels and cannot quit. Started at 18. I have a Literature degree and I rarely read. Spend my time losing at word games against my mother and anonymous players.