Just Fucking Love

We went on a hike.
It was our first chance
to be alone together
since our throuple vacation.
Fuck,
I missed you.
I missed holding hands.
Walking with our arms
around each other.
Kissing.
I missed your hands
gripping my hair,
palming my throat,
grabbing my ass.
I missed your voice
growling in my ear,
against my neck,
in my mouth
Mostly I missed
just being in your company,
just hanging out together,
Being with you is….nice.
Such a vanilla word.
But it is.
It’s so damn nice.
And so comfortable.
I’m so fucking
comfortable
with you.
We enjoyed
hiking together
for a couple hours.
Afterward we stopped
at the store
to pick up some groceries
for the dinner
you were cooking
for her.
Of course
I was invited.
But I had to work
and wouldn’t get there
until dinner was
over.
As we wandered the store,
just walking
and talking
and shopping,
you suddenly
put your arm around me
from behind and
pulled me against you and
kissed the top of my head
and said,
I just love you.
I just love you so much.
Do you know that?
Do you know
I just fucking love you?
And right there
in the middle of
the pasta aisle,
I fell in love with you
all over again.
Sweetheart, I said,
turning to face you,
wrapping my arms
around you,
I fucking love you too.
I wish you would
tell me more often.
It makes me so…happy.
Happy.
Another vanilla word.
We are not vanilla people.
Why are the vanilla words
describing us?
And then
I tiptoed up
to reach your lips and
I kissed you
not giving a fuck
that we were
in a public place
and people we knew
might see us.
You didn’t care either.
We continued to
kiss our way
through the store,
finding what we needed.
We continued to kiss
in the parking lot,
up against the car,
for everyone to see.
And to anyone who saw us
We were just two people
in fucking love.
I eventually
came to my senses,
stopped you, and said,
What are we doing?
We don’t do this.
We could get caught.
And it made me a little sad
that we have to hide
in the forest
or mostly empty
grocery store aisles
or drive hours from home
where nobody knows us
to show our love
for each other
in public.
I wish we could always be
just us,
always be seen as
just two people,
maybe even
two vanilla people,
In fucking love
with just each other.
But we are not just us.
And we are not vanilla.
And as we drove
toward your house
you looked at me and said,
a little bit sadly,
Oh. I have to take you home
before I go home.
And I said yes, you do.
And then you said,
a little bit hopefully,
I’ll see you later.
And I said I hope so.
And you said,
It wasn’t a question.
I’ll make you a plate
when you get there.
And I smiled and said,
Yes dear.
And I went home
to my empty house
and you went home
to your full house,
to her house
Where she was all morning
while you were
with me,
adding fucking sprinkles
to my vanilla life,
in the woods,
in the store,
in the world,
holding my hand,
holding my body,
and holding
my fucking heart.