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Click hereWhere did my youth go?
I swear it was here yesterday
running down the road
to meet a new lover,
swinging from the chandeliers
of my love life.
Now it's too much effort
to lift an eyebrow
let alone a leg.
It got a five and it's getting a recommend. It is direct and shows economy of word without sacrificing richness of meaning, plus it's a topic I can relate to.
It's not trying too hard to say anything great but the simple contrast of what you could do then and can do now say it all. Who said it was bittersweet? I agree, but doesn't take itself too seriously either. :-)
immediately accessible to the reader, raises a rueful smile.
the 'let alone a leg' ... well, i see where you're at, but also see it could be read differently, as in a male dog lifts its leg to mark its territory... now, if this was written from the male pov, that'd fit in just dandy!
and creative, using swinging ... and the last two lines. After the first two lines I kinda smiled thinking you were going silly, but as I went on, mood changed--good UYS.
......and a little sad, but then it IS a lament. Considering its brevity there are some nice lines - like.......
"swinging from the chandeliers
of my love life"
I like it and wish Annie some renewed ooomph.
Tess
law of unintended consequences
let alone a leg.
do you really want this line in here
100
but maybe because of the "law"