Mourning©2020

Why is it the shit in your head that you don't say just pokes and
pokes at your brain nagging to say it out loud.

Nagging and poking so much that you would kill to be able to say it,
but you know that the shit is just going to hurt everyone and far far worse than just holding back.

Three simple words you've said a million times.
Three words that made her heart melt, legs weak and part.

Now they're forbidden or regulated, three words that used to be so important as to remember when and where they were first said.

Now the look of pain at hearing those words of knowing the
broken promise that tears your soul from your vessel.

I love you

I – Me, the complete everything that I am

Love – The promise of fulfillment, happiness, sexual bliss, life's breath

You – The one. The only one that completes me.
The only one that understands me and of who I am,
who knows all I have done and you still loved me.

Now the only words of comfort are three words as well.

I am sorry.
Not anyone's fault and definitely not mine to bare,
but still, I can not stop myself from saying I am sorry.

I have said it so many times it angers now.
Now I can't say or not say anything, yet I still need to say something.

I still hope, Unrealistic but hope.

That .00001% of hope that is the thin line that keeps me alive.
I know I should just quietly disappear, but I find myself watching,
hoping that just maybe against all odds love will return.