- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Muzzleflash from a BFG
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The fighting's been going on for years,
attrition rate high from cheating or beers;
the incessant squabbling over thorium,
to keep the war gears turning.
Elevation!
Craters on the landscape, destroyed bases
casualties gleaned from all creeds, races,
whose craven deeds preordained their demise
to quit these vicinities or abide by the rules,
take up farming behind rage shattered walls.
Load!
And those that aspire to the summit,
survive all manner of life threating tumult,
build armies to crush back the foe,
or walls higher and thicker, guns pushed to the fore
to stay other pretenders from breaching the door.
Fire!
As the thunder rolls over this land that they've claimed,
while smoke drifts deep among the dead and the maimed
way on the horizon as bright as the sun, someone
firing a shot from a big fucking gun
Incoming!
- COMMENTS
todski28over 9 years agohow did I miss this, there are multiple directions this can be taken by the reader, well written sonics as always Harry, everything else has been said 5ed
Trixareforkidsalmost 10 years agoMostly. I think it's about both or the corollaries and tit for tat nature of both. I'd say more but it probably veers off topic.
Nice work Harry.
Ashesh9almost 10 years agofor Thorium , Harry but we were Peaceniks forced by a rough neighbourhood to pick up the Nuclear Option !!??
that being said this is an outstandin' piece of Anti-War Poetry & justifiably recommended by GM : sorry for commentin' very late , Bro . I High-5 ed this .
Cleardaynowalmost 10 years agoNow I am not sure if I am being stupid. Though, comfortingly, from reading stories and comments on other hubs, I am pretty sure there are other people even more stupid than me on the wider Literotica site.
I do not read this as a poem about war but about marriage/relationships/lives using war as a metaphor. As such, I think it works very well and the shifts and different perspectives are very powerful.
The ‘attrition rate high from cheating or beers’ seemed to show this - drinking and cheating do not usually result in a high casualty rate in war. Each of the verses then makes sense (farming behind shattered walls, thicker and higher walls).
I really like this poem a great deal as it combines the erudition and word facility with something powerful and real (human relations rather than war). I always judge a poem primarily by the quality of what it conveys – emotionally and intellectually. This is by far and away the best poem I have seen by Harry and a very fine poem indeed.
The BFG? Well I have used or had used a few of these in my time.
Cannot make any sense of thorium, despite my trusty friends Google and Wikipedia.
Anonymousalmost 10 years agobut i will definitely be back. masses going on in this piece, H x
me (b)
pelegrinoalmost 10 years agoI am completely in ideological agreement with the anti war feelings expressed, and expressed so vividly and with fine straight forward artistry.
In general, I think that all poetry should be involved more with this panhuman subject cause its danger is ever present. Thanks, Harry.
5ed, and the recommendation by GM well deserved and seconded.
greenmountaineeralmost 10 years agoThis is outstanding, Harry. Of course, I'm a sucker for war poems. LOL.
I like the internal rhymes, not too many, just enough to give it a little pep.
I also like the punctuation marks, not the symbol; I mean the words and the way you increase the "decibel" level with them by the end of the poem.
