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Click hereevents ......hormones ....feelings...
create misery ...this ...that ...this
non-feelingness is the best ........
pure ...sheer ....bliss
in spite of your duties as admin of Poetic Challenge Sept.'15 .
Your " arouses " works excellently & the Maestro himself has certified so !!!
% stars for your comment , Leger !!!!
A possible suggestion in response to gm's exhortation: "arouse misery" - maybe. There's some sonic similarity there with the "sz" sound. Thoughtful, indeed.
My earlier version had " leads to " instead of creates so would that be more alliterative ? You tell me .
& yes I am hinting at Nirvikalpa Samadhi here so this is a Meditative state or a stage achieved vide Raj-Yoga ( you know when you have stilled your Monkey Mind to absolute Thoughtlessness !)
A space / zone of thoughtlessness / feelinglessness / emotionlessness is called Nirvikalpa Samadhi & is achieved by regular Meditation by the process called Raj-yoga : the yoga which is popular in USA is actually Hatha- Yoga or physical Yoga .
I like this too, Ash. The frequency of the "s" sound made the poem feel like a mantra.
Just a thought: repeating the poem's stanza might have inferred a meditation, which to me it could be. Also, I'm not sure there is an alternative, but I might have looked for a softer word than "create" because of the harsh "t" sound. Consider that a quibble because I like the poem.
I don't know how this hasn't been commented on yet. This says a hell of a lot more than the number of it's words. I could do with quite a bit more non-feeling myself, my friend. Great job creating a feeling of wanting that feeling of *not* feeling. It paints that picture well, and it does it quick and easy, without any excess or pointless frills. Just the core of the image and the whole picture is there. Well done indeed.