- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Once We Were Fluent
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Click hereI'm not sure how
to read you anymore
the lines between
smudged and blurred
fingers ink-stained
from holding on
trying to decipher
words that feel lost
in translation
Spine broken
pages missing
this old code
book tear-stained
by frustration
fighting realization
you might be writing
in a language
I'm not meant
to understand
Or maybe I am
and we're both
just scribbled
hieroglyphics
of disappointment
- COMMENTS
Piscatorover 6 years agoI really liked this but agree with gm's comments on the last verse. Would it still work for you if it ended after the 2nd verse?
also in the second verse, you might consider changing
by frustration / fighting realization
to
by frustration / and the realization
Lyricalliover 6 years agoAuthorI'll take give it some thought, see if I can clear it up a bit in time. Your comments and feedback are always appreciated.
tazz317over 6 years agothe relationship is definitely archelogic, TK U MLJ LV NV
greenmountaineerover 6 years agoNicely done, calli.
"Spine broken/pages" and "old code book/tear stained" are very sharp images. However, the syntax that followed in the stanza felt clunky to me. It didn't add confusion to my understanding of the stanza, so in that regard I suppose it's a quibble but still felt off, particularly "by frustration/fighting realization" and seemed like a run on sentence. Because the other two weren't, the middle stanza stuck out in the wrong way for me at least in spite of the two powerful metaphors mentioned above.
