- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Roundelay
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Click hereDavid and Amanda, vying
For the one cab cruising Main,
Enter at both doors, each sighing
With relief, out of the rain.
Recognition. Some forced smiling.
God, to meet her (him), today!
Entering both doors (each sighing
With relief out of the rain),
Each confronts a Love undying
Which was stillborn just the same.
Recognition and forced smiling.
This is neither's lucky day.
Each confronts a Love undying,
One which died under great strain.
You look great! he says. He's lying.
Actually, he thinks her plain.
Recognition forces smiling—
Etiquette is so cliché.
She says,So do you, relying
On that ego she disdained,
Leaves at Fifth and nods, denying
Him a kiss. He meets his train.
Recognition: Forced, unsmiling,
Meted out in disarray.
- COMMENTS
Esperanza_Hidalgoabout 13 years agoI wanted to write in poet guy voice on this comment because you always make me smile. Hmm, okay maybe the next one cuz I am sleepy. I am not much of a form junky, but did like the thoughts in this poem--the worded interplay of situation brought on by circumstance. Nice.
twelveooneabout 13 years agowhy do I fell this is an absurd exercise? With you saying what you say about voting, and with whatever else I have to say you are not going to pay attention to
a 5
bogusagainabout 13 years agoIt's a well written poem but for me it isn't working, though that could simply be my prejudice against form (which in some situations is hypocritical). I think I get the feeling at times you have chosen some words simply to fit the rhythm, which is what form is about I suppose so I guess I'm saying it feels forced at times. Maybe I'm being unfair.
buttersabout 13 years agoloved the write
the dryness that comes across, for me, enhances the sense of the two of them hiding behind the ritual of etiquette. the brackets and italics, on the otherhand, reveal the more honest and emotional undercurrents.
had no problems with this one's 'flow' - it ticked along very nicely to my ear.
vrosej10about 13 years agoDoesn't flow for me either but I don't know much about form poetry so I will leave other than sonic judgements to people who are better informed. One thing I will say, watch the obvious rhymes. I was reading a theory the other day that suggested that paired words in rhyming schemes are meant to result in meanings so if you pair cat/flat it should be somehow implied to relate to each other.
Angelineabout 13 years agoIt's well written and clever and I don't feel the form in my face, so the poem has managed to overshadow the form (which to me is a very good thing). The tone feels bloodless though, dry and crisp (which I think is why it recalls DP). I'm not sure if I like that because there's no tension to make it more than vignette or painting for me, but that may be a limitation of the form. But it's definitely a five kinda poem. :-)
fridayamabout 13 years agobut somehow it just didn't flow for me. I think maybe the form doesn't help the subject. There are sumptuous ideas and lines but I would love to see it cut lose from the form and breathe. A lovely read though, well worth anyone's time.
