- Non-Erotic Poetry
- secret mission
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Lying back in bed,
The full weight of his 11 years
Settled uncomfortably upon him,
His legs twisted in the sheets,
His arms first under the pillow,
Then at his sides, then across his chest,
Watching the moonlight that currently washed
A cheap replica of the World Trade Towers,
Listening to his sister – the reckless one, the brave one,
Creeping down the hall,
Urging her on, rooting for her cause,
Losing his nervousness in his reverie and
Slipping closer to sleep.
2.
She, knowing the floorboards that don’t creek,
The oft-repeated pattern of light step and gentle leap,
In love with her new word – stealthy –
Letting it roll around in her brain like a marble,
Like a gumball in her mouth,
Imagining herself a ninja princess,
Past the door of her brother’s room,
His gangliness and awkwardness secretly adored by her,
Towards the stairs, their descending path running treacherously,
Irresistably close to the den:
Her father, detection, unacceptable mission failure,
And beyond to her reward.
3.
The father:
Sinking into his chair contentedly,
Holding his glass of scotch contentedly,
Scotch being a powerful symbol in his mind
For an old-fashioned manliness and success,
The alcohol fuzzing his memories of the day,
Coating his neurons with a pleasing glossiness,
The simple relief of an hour where nothing is expected of him,
The calves on Bill Turner’s new secretary,
The sound of Lee Morgan’s trumpet
Threading its way through Herbie Hancock’s piano,
A shadow passing unnoticed 20 feet behind him.
4.
With one foot on the slightly-pulled-out 2nd shelf from the bottom,
The other on the countertop, socked toes flexing around the edge,
She lifts herself up to cabinet-height with the grace of a lower primate,
(Stealthily, she murmurs to herself)
the rasp of the drawer against wood as her foot lifts sending a thrill to her belly,
She opens the cabinet door and reaches in for ---
- COMMENTS
Reltnealmost 19 years agoThis demonstrates strong descriptive skills. You create good images and build tension. But this is more an exercise of those talents than a finished poem. It is a teaser and not complete.
I agree about the double "contentedly". Changing one would improve the poem. Most writers only repeat a word when doing so serves a distinct purpose of emphasis or list building. (You do this nicely in your "org a sm" for example.)
You might also want to consider replacing numbers (11, 20, 2nd) with their word-forms. (This is a thing of taste as much as convention.)
Anonymousalmost 19 years agowell I am twisted, I thought she was reaching for his gun. There is something sexual about this poem, made me think that Dad is gonna get it.AS
Anonymousalmost 19 years agoI really enjoyed this poem but the 3rd verse jarred a little:
Sinking into his chair contentedly,
Holding his glass of scotch contentedly,
It would be petty to mark a good poem down for one word did interfer a lot for me.
Bridget69almost 19 years agoit's sneaking around for a late night snack, then it becomes trying to sneak out of the house. LOL!
My Erotic Talealmost 19 years agoanything the little fingers will reach that seems attractive and tantalizing to a child. nice poem
