- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Stopping at the Pub
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Click hereStopping at the Pub, On the Road to Divorce
I’ve worked my shift. Toward Home, I’ll go.
My wife is likely sleeping, though.
So, what the hell? It’s just one beer.
I’ve got this round. She’ll never know.
The pub is packed, and friends are near.
The night, alight with mirth and cheer.
Perhaps I made my first mistake,
when I first tipped that second beer.
The curve was sharp; I failed to brake.
The bank was steep; Deep is the lake.
The cops arrived. My sins, I’ll reap.
I damned near drowned, for heaven's sake.
The judge was tough. The fines were steep.
My keys and license, sworn to keep.
Now on the couch, I’m doomed to sleep.
Now on the couch, I’m doomed to sleep.
- COMMENTS
Ashesh99 months agoI saw the remark on top and connected this with Frost's ' The woods are lovely, dark and deep...'
Good effort: i 5-ed as well as "Fave"-ed.
Frost's poem has a subconscious Gothic feel/layer which is of course near impossible to replicate but as a tongue in cheek look at modern marriage your poem too is quite perceptive in it's own way!!!
Pureotica11 months agoAuthor@butters
thanks for the feedback. I won't lie and pretend this is my most thoughtful or meticulous attempt at craft. I borrowed Frost's rhyme scheme and attempted to stay within the lines of the meter. I almost never write end rhymes in formal meter, so it's not my strongest skillset. I mostly work in image, and try to use my ear to come up with something aesthetically credible. I didn't pay attention to the tenses at all so good catch I just pugged in stuff that rhymed that didn't make the rhythm wobble. Maybe I'll tinker with this more but it was written for fun on a whim. Fixing it probably won't rise to the top of my priority list soon. I have new poems I'd rather tackle first. I appreciate the feedback it was useful and on point.
KatNipHigh11 months agoIt's early morning here, this made me start the day with a laugh. Thank you for that.
butters11 months agoslippery slope, pretty good.
keeping it to present tense would make this stronger, without distracting the reader with those tense changes in and out of present/past/present serving no solid purpose to the poem:
Perhaps I made my first mistake,
when I first tipped that second beer.
The curve was sharp; I failed to brake.
The bank was steep; Deep is the lake.
The cops arrived. My sins, I’ll reap.
I damned near drowned, for heaven's sake.
The judge was tough. The fines were steep.
My keys and license, sworn to keep.
