- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Surprise At The Bench
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Click here"Have not time for the pain"
or so Carly says.
But it has all the time for me.
Today it met me at a sun drenched bench
I was getting ready to shed my covers
and take a deep breath when,
saying big hello
it asked me
"May I join?"
- COMMENTS
JaneAustenalmost 16 years agoWhy is it the pain always finds us? And just when we're ready to shrug our shoulders and enjoy life, it comes rolling around again to remind just how human we are. I like your song reference and the depth of this one. Nicely done!
Bill Dadaover 17 years agoAnother example of what you do so well. I have to agree with Tess about Carly, she does seem like and uninvited guest.
BD
Bill Dadaover 17 years agoAnother example of what you do so well. I have to agree with Tess about Carly, she does seem like and uninvited guest.
BD
GuiltyPleasureover 17 years ago...leave Carly out of it. the pain would be apparent with out her words.
tess
LeBrozabout 18 years agoMuch shorter than some of the comments I've seen you post. Welcome to the fun world of being on the receiving end of comments. Very nice first try; good imagery, letting the reader fill in the details. Stick around, pen some more and show us what else you've got.
Anonymousabout 18 years agoIt needs to flow better. Listen to the first line of
the song. Use the song's first line instead of what
you have. Write to the beat of the song. Look, you
ain't got to, its just what I would do. You have a good
start here. sandspike
