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Click hereIt was not the way she handed him
the damp undergarment, nor
her slitted eyes, her half-smile,
her snake tongue flicking at the air for scent.
It was that the lace was wet. And why.
After mojo_cat's story "Coffeeshop."
But otherwise fucking fantastic. Smooth moves poetguy!
you just got me wet! So little and so much. I love, love, love, love few words that ripen thought, leaving the brain to do the what and why. My brain did a twist a something soaked.
I don't know WHAT to say except I would have given it a little green E... I think it's the best I've ever read from you. Makes me want more and that is a wonderful thing for a poem to accomplish. 5 is not high enough.
~ maria
ps, mojo_cat is <i>Gooooood</i>, isn't she :)
Just enough words, just enough image, just enough suggestion to make the poem erotic without seeming to try to be so. I don't know that you need "snake" because the suggestion of snakelike is there without it, but otoh it does add interest and some additional ways to interpret the poem.
......do I have to go and read that story? No, its enough to get the atmosphere just from these brief lines. Nicely done.
Tess (Goes looking for the story any way.)