Want

·° ¤Want
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·«««summer solstice 2002»»»
Today is a day of LIGHT.
I look to, and seek out even in the dark, the bright.
This one day seek and open oneself to sight.
Walk through and past the things one fears.
Let naught touch nor sear.
Power of light an of all things bright,
promise hidden on the other side.
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What do I want?
Ha!

This one knows little but flights of fancy.
Imaginations wings.

 I want...

I want peace.
Someone who cares.
Some one to come home to for whom I care.
Moments to share.
Eyes to look into that look back into mine.
Skin, to lightly touch, running fingers and nails over.
Toes to hair.
Everywhere.
All over.
 I want.
I want..
I want...
Giggles in bed!
Laughter to reign shared in this often dark head.
 I want...
I want sex. Warmth.
A body with a mind and want in it.
Not something bought.
Paid simply in coin of sensation, or emotion?
Humiliation, or irrational devotion?
Lays there without care or motion?
NO!
Damnit no......
But what does this one dark elf know of these things?
What have I of worth and value to such, bring?
Something that brings me closer to the light.
Intensity of darkness and of bright.
 I want..
More...

 An eternity of loneliness I've lived.
For no reason other than I was scared.
And yet I do still fear.
Its sometimes more intense.
There is no where to hide.
So of it all I MUST make sense.
I want no more pain.
 I want...

But the fact is that life does this in most lessons, contain.
I can so easily get lost here in the saying.
Only dwelling on truth and beauty can I remain at least somewhat sane.
That I do not always,
can only on me be blamed.
I am capable of fear.
Anger.
Sorrow.
Far to much worry about tomorrow.

To write of light and bright is very hard today.
Getting lost in babbling stupid things about the shade.
Saying odd fanciful things about the breeze.
Or how it sounds pretty blowing through leaves.
Birds hidden that sing.
The green of trees.
Hard it is to see sometimes,
anything good in any of these.

You say you worry about me?
I have my own dark sides.
Sit and hollow sigh.
Sometimes WANT over takes me,
and I wonder. "Why?"
Any wonder that I sometimes feel like crying?
Do the best that I can to send my thoughts up as high as they can fly?
To do other wise is to let that inside, die.

Still,

I WANT...

I've not really looked to hard.
Wondered maybe if she'd simply come to me from afar.
Ached and moaned.
Whined.
 Lonely sat and groaned.
Felt sorry for myself.
Do little to really help this one, strange, dark elf.
I mean the things I've said.
Isn't all just some strange fantasy of words created in my head.
This heart does often sit alone.
Wonders that sometimes 'tis so hard to find
the places where the light did briefly shine.
That it did, for a time.
Before I was over taken by lies.
I think it left something in me blind.
The loneliness is a creation mine.
Made from a lack of faith and fears.
Laziness,
The only real barriers I create that keeps me from my peers.

A bit of greed.
Sometimes out shadows all of these with intensity of want and need.
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