What Do You Need?

You’re being cerebral
He says
What do you need?

I need you
to work the worry out of me
and exhaust me
beyond the ability
to think.

You’ll still find a way
to think, he says,
But distractions
are fun.

Yes.
Distract me.
I need subspace.
I need to hurt
More than
I’m already
Hurting.
I need to cry
Until no tears are left,
Struggle
Until I surrender.
There’s such peace
On the other side of
Pain

I can do that
He says
And before I can
Think
Another
Thought
He is on me
One hand in my hair
Pulling me backwards
I stumble and he
Catches me
By my throat
Pulls me against him
His teeth
Find my cheek and
Bite down
The first mark of many

He turns me to face him
Walks me backwards until
The wall is behind me and
He is against me
One leg between mine
He takes my wrists in his hands
Slides my arms up
Presses them into the wall
Leans close enough
To taste my lips

I stay absolutely still
Barely breathing
Waiting
His tongue traces the edge
Of my lips his teeth
Slowly sink in then
A sweet piercing pain and
I taste copper
He’s bled me already

I struggle against his grip.
I need something
to fight back against today.
He doesn’t make it easy.
Easy isn’t what I need.
I fight with everything I’ve got.
Knowing I can.
Knowing he can easily take
My small bites and bruises
But still enjoying
Catching him off guard,
Watching him flinch,
Watching his eyes narrow.
Before long he has me
Turned around
Slammed against the wall.
One hand wrapped in my hair
Both my wrists
Captured low in the other.
Leaning hard against me
His words are clipped and
Dangerous in my ear.
You want to fight me sweetheart?
I can do that.
Don’t expect me to be gentle.
I wrench my head to the side and
Look him in the eye.
He sees the wild there.
Fuck you, I say,
Knowing it will flip his switch.
And it does.

We are damn near feral
Grappling our way to the bedroom.
He throws me on my back
Holds me down as he
Binds me
I fight every inch of the way.
Kicking. Clawing. Cursing.
I’m fighting the ropes now.
His hands are free.
His eyes as wild as mine.
Fuck yes.
I need this.
He needs this.
He palms my throat.
Lowers his lips to mine.
More devouring than kissing.
Hurt me, I whisper.
Oh sweetheart, he says,
I will.
And you’ll thank me
After.