- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Will you come inside my mirror?
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Click hereWill you come inside my mirror?
and reflect upon my soul
Look into the quiet past
as tomorrow is a day away
Will you hop into my looking glass?
and shine upon my heart
Illuminate my darkened paths
as black gives way to distant light
Will you follow me through an endless maze?
the false cadence of a jumbled song
topsy turvy lives in suspended animation
as faint birdsong echoes against the silver
Will you be with me when the mirror cracks?
the distorted nose, the narrowing eyes
love letters returned to an unknown address
as I hide in my quivering reflection
Will you be with me as the pieces shatter?
My childhood reversed, back to the womb
Even my shadow is just a memory
as the shards are swept away by time
Will you be with me when I die?
Will you?
- COMMENTS
duddle146over 17 years agoA powerful and heartfelt plea permeates this lovely rendering. Be with me ~ come what may. Lovely effort!
Anonymousover 18 years agoDeep, powerful and heartfelt. I see an anonymous asshole in the crowd. Prehaps a little bored - ah, perhaps a little jealous of good POETRY! Well done, my friend!
I would edit this out:
Will you be with me when I die?
Will you?
Your message is clear!
sal
dcpoet44over 18 years agolooks a bit cliche, but the rest makes up for that. i really like the 2nd stanza though...solid piece......don
RhymeFairyover 18 years agoSo much pain here. I feel it with ya my friend. You paint this picture with brilliant strokes of hurt, passing through your brush of love as it dips into the crevices of past ... future. Just a great poem of need ...
Huggs ya my friend.
I really love this one Dave.
Lotta hurt and so much
feeling coming through.
More, I want more ~!!!
Anonymousover 18 years agobut I did not understand it from a glance but I am not looking deeply into the mirror either. I read your write sack. <grin> (~_~)
twelveooneover 18 years agoI would chop out the first stanza, #2,3,4 are quite solid, well above ordinary, last one dips a little, AVOID the word "shard" if glass is involved.
Reltneover 18 years agoSack, do you really need the ending? Or at least do you need the next to last line? Isn't the explicitness a bit much considering what has been said in the main body of the poem?
Anonymousover 18 years agoIt's good to see a novice poet putting forth effort. Keep writing. You'll improve. :)
