You Don't Scare Me

You aren’t scary
Anymore.
I miss it.
I miss the
Fear of
Not knowing
What you will do,
If I should let you,
If it will hurt,
If I will like it.

I miss the
Tension of
Wondering if
You will cross
The line
Push
My boundaries,
Make me
Taste
My safe word
On the tip
Of my tongue.

I miss
The flirt
The flinch
The gasp.

I miss
The waiting
The wanting
The worrying.

You are
Mine but not.
I am
Yours at times.
We are
Friends but more,
Lovers but less.

I no longer
Need to figure out
If you want to
Fuck me or
If I want to
Fuck you.

I no longer
Need to imagine
The feel of your skin
Under my hands
My body
My mouth.

We have become
Used to
Being us.
We have become
Comfortable
With each other.
We know
The touching
Is no longer
A question,
The kissing
No longer
A boundary.

There is
No longer
Any urgency.
It is expected and
Understood
That we can
Touch
As we please.
There is no more
Wanting
What we don’t have.

We are
A fantasy
Fulfilled,
A rumor
Based in truth,
A denied cliche,
A necessary secret.

I still have
So much
I want to do
To you
With you,
So much
I want you to do
With me,
To me.

But most days,
Most nights,
We talk
Laugh
Talk
Cook
Talk
Relax
And talk more.

I enjoy just
Talking
But
I miss
Your voice
In the dark
In my ear
Against my skin
I miss
The words you say
When your hands
Are in my hair and
Your cock is
In my mouth.

We still touch.
Mostly affectionately.
We hold hands
In the car.
I rub your back,
Play with your hair.
I rest my feet
On your legs
While we chat
In separate chairs.
You usually
Kiss me
Goodbye,
But not always.

Perhaps
Our reality
Has finally
Caught up to
Our fantasies and
The passion has
Waned
As it often does
When people are
Together.

Affection
And comfort
Are lovely.
But damn it
I miss
Those early
Moments
Of waiting for
Your hands
To touch
My skin and
Groaning
First with
Anticipation
And then with
Relief.

I know now
You are going to
Touch me
Whenever
You want to,
Hurt me
Whenever
You want to.
I am only
Surprised
When you
Can but you
Don’t.

I miss you
Surprising me
I miss you
Scaring me and
I so miss
The forbidden taste
Of what we were
Before
We became
Whatever
The fuck
We now are.