- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Zenith
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It's your body. Your
pectoral muscles, how
you slim toward the waist,
that draws my eyes down
to the weight between
your legs. You're heavy,
here. Surprisingly so,
and I love the heft of you.
Sex makes no sense.
How you want to ram
into me, how I want you
that way, but differently,
with affection, but also
raw and even violent
enough to make me feel
as if you couldn't help yourself,
but yet you could call out my name
when you were close.
And afterwards,
when we lay, spooned
together like tableware,
quiet and sorted and couched, we
could always be ready again to set even the most
pristine table
and open each other like a new wine.
- COMMENTS
monicabluover 5 years agoVery nice Ellen, but I think some may have missed your clues on the dissimilarities between the two lovers. His size, maybe the differences in age - "sex makes no sense."
"Spooned together like tableware" - differences in body types, like a knife and fork, with the tines possibly spread apart.
I loved the visuals I believe your words painted.
~M
legerdemerover 6 years agoSome of the lines are beautifully erotic (the weight between
your legs). Others are rawer, perhaps meant to shock (How you want to ram
into me).
If it were me (which of course it isn't), I would excise the last line of S6 - it is not unnecessary - and the comma before spooned. Just my opinion.
And afterwards,
when we lay spooned
quiet and sorted and couched, we
could always be ready again to set even the most
pristine table
and open each other like a new wine.
Very nice.
ishtatover 6 years agoGood poem. combines erotica with intimacy, a rarely achieved objective. Suggest omitting 'like tableware' - it seems a bit forced.
GMT's right about Zenith it doesnt have a connection. Possibly you could have introduced a wry smile by getting your table/laying simile into the title.
But overall very good a strong 5.
greenmountaineerover 6 years agoI thought this was very erotic, Ellen, and nicely done. My only quibble is with the title. The images getting to release I found interesting, and “zenith” was the obvious culmination and could have been inferred. “The Most Pristine Table,” or something similar, I think, would have suggested more.
Then again, I like it when titles are anticipatory sets for what follows.
